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books_bybukola, Lagos (2026)

25/09/2023

A beautiful day to start the discussion on disability inclusion.

Whether you're a school owner, parent, advocate or teacher, storytelling is one of the best ways to foster love and acceptance.

Buy books on inclusion written by Bukola Ayinde and donate to a school, use for birthday gifts or place in a personal or public library.

Promoting disability inclusion is for the benefit of everyone.

Contact: [email protected]

02/09/2023

Summer in Budapest 2023

Part 7

Which one are you? A - The person who checks into the hotel and starts to put things neatly in their proper places, B - the person who throws all the suitcases into a corner and goes to bed, or C - the person who drops the suitcase and goes out right away?

I am B and B is me. Well, that was before I had kids. Back then, when I eventually wake up, I would take a shower and look for something to eat. Lawrence is the one who will pack all his stuff neatly into the wardrobe, take a shower, look around the hotel room, study the map of the city and when possible, go for a walk around the neighbourhood. Anyway, we all can’t be that efficient. It’s called a holiday for a reason, right? I am allowed to slow down.

Back to reality. I looked around our modest two-bedroom apartment. An open space arrangement: sitting room, kitchen and dining area leading to two bedrooms and a bathroom. One other toilet tucked into a corner of the sitting room near the exit door. Off white paint covered the entire room and a wooden floor. There was only one TV so I knew Lawrence and I had to depend on our laptops and tablet to watch films or listen to the news. Thankfully, it was a smart TV, we could access Netflix and YouTube.

The first thing I did was to rescue the frozen items and store them in the freezer. Then I cooked a delicious meal of rice and plantain. I only had to warm the beef stew. We all ate and found a corner to sleep.

We arrived in Budapest on a Sunday. We had a 10am appointment at the Robotics center the following day. After waking up from sleep that Sunday afternoon, I didn’t feel like going anywhere the next day. “Baby, please can we postpone Nimi’s appointment by one day. At least let’s catch our breath.” I said to my husband.

“Which breath are you catching? We are going o! That is why we came to Budapest.”

He went out to get our transportation ticket for the entire holiday. The tickets give us access to all the public transportation except taxis throughout our stay. The good thing about Budapest is that they have a great transportation system. There is access to trams, buses, metros, trolley bus, etc. to any destination in the city. For example, tram 4 and 6 passes every other minute in my neighbourhood. It’s either one is just leaving, arriving or on its way. That is how life is supposed to be, everyone doesn’t need to buy a car. That would be the best palliative for Africa especially Nigeria. Getting the transportation system right should be on the front burner. Come to think of it, everything should be on the front burner in Africa.

Lawrence came back and he said he was unable to get the tickets. He had gone to the same place he went in 2017 and no one was selling tickets. He went to the metro station believing it to be automated or that no one was present because it was a Sunday. He found the machine where he could pay and generate the tickets but the text was written in Hungarian. There was no one there to help him change the machine’s text to English or assist him in filling out his details so he came back home. We agreed to try the next morning before going for Nimi’s appointment.

01/09/2023

Summer in Budapest 2023

Part 6

Still looking for a way to get a Turkish visa for Nimi’s caregiver, we approached the visa information desk at the Turkish Airport, the man in charge pointed to a paper pasted on the wall beside him. It was the list of countries that can use electronic visa to enter Turkey. Unfortunately, Nigeria was not included in the list. The realization that she wouldn't be traveling to Turkey with us after we left Budapest started to sink in at that point. I was really worried about her flying back alone. I hope she won’t go missing. All hope wasn’t lost, we still had the Turkish consulate in Hungary where we could apply for the visa. That was our last shot.

As we got on the plane, I was happy because it was a short trip – two hours. Nimi sat between her dad and I, leaning towards her dad. Since there were no in-flight entertainment options, I brought my book and started reading.

The plane landed swiftly at Budapest. This time around, Nimi’s stroller was at the entrance of the plane. Her dad placed her into the stroller and we joined the other passengers using wheelchairs. We were guided swiftly through immigration. Avoiding all the lines is one benefit that makes our airport journey less unpleasant.

By the time we arrived at the luggage retrieval area of the airport, we could sight some of our boxes as they rolled around the tracks. Lawrence quickly retrieved the boxes while I looked for a big luggage trolley. We had seven boxes and a small box as hand luggage. One of the boxes had Nimi’s bathing chair that had been dismantled and carefully packed for the trip.

Booking.com gave us a complimentary airport pickup to the hotel. We made our way to the main arrival area in the hopes that the driver would hold up a sign with our name, A.Y.I.N.D.E. When we arrived, we scanned the entire area and the various signs people were holding, but we couldn't find our name.

Being stuck at the airport was not one of my plans. We had travelled for 24 hours, and we were all exhausted. We went outside to the waiting area after deciding to take a taxi. In contrast to Nigeria, where you can hail a cab at random, all of the taxis that arrived at the waiting area were reserved. To call a taxi, we had to download a transportation app. We considered getting a bolt taxi but with all our luggage, we decided against it. It had to be a company that provides buses.

To start with, we didn’t have internet access. We had to start from there. Lawrence connected to the airport’s internet and decided to get in touch with the transport company that was supposed to pick us up. Call it brain fatigue, we should have considered that immediately, right? Thank God Lawrence did. Eventually, he got through to them and they gave him the driver’s number. The driver had come to the waiting area to look for us but when he didn’t see us, he had gone to another car park to wait.

I was super relieved to hear that he was on his way. When he arrived with his vehicle, a mini seven-seater bus with a moderate sized boot, he looked at all our luggage including Nimi’s wheelchair and shook his head. Well, I didn’t care if he was going to tie the luggage on top of the bus, all I wanted was to leave the airport and get to the hotel. He worked his magic and arranged everything into the boot.

Finally, we were on our way to the hotel! I silently prayed that everything would go smoothly at the hotel because I had reached my daily limit of drama.

31/08/2023

Summer in Budapest 2023

Part 5

Before any plane ride, I always pray that Nimi will sleep the entire flight. This is because she starts to feel uneasy in the seats, which is a big issue for all of us.

She sat between her caregiver and I. Her dad sat with her younger sister, Pemi on the adjacent row. Before the trip, I asked her doctor to recommend a mild sedative for the journey but the doctor refused. She recommended baclofen, a muscle relaxant but that didn’t work. She kept sliding off her seat combined with muscle and leg cramps. Hands and legs moving in different direction. Chai! I don’t know how we survived the trip but we did. Thankfully, she slept for a while. I was glad when we landed in Turkey. At least some respite before the final leg of the trip.

As usual, we didn't leave our seats until virtually everyone had exited the aircraft. This will enable the ground staff to transport her Nimi’s stroller to the aircraft's entrance. When we arrived at the exit, Lawrence, who was carrying Nimi, was instructed to use a different exit that had a raised platform similar to an elevator to exit the aircraft, whereas Nimi's carer, AY, Pemi, and I were instructed to descend the steps like every other passenger. A transit bus was waiting to take everyone to the arrival area of the airport.

I assumed Lawrence and Nimi would be waiting for us when we got down, but they weren't. Next, our stroller was at the bottom of the steps. In my mind I thought it was all a mix up. I tried to call the attention of the flight attendants to let them know that I had spotted the stroller. While I was moving around with a stroller, everyone from the plane was in the bus, staring at us and probably wondering what was up.

Everyone eventually realised we were the ones delaying the bus. I must have looked very confused. Finally, a member of the ground crew grabbed the stroller from me and we joined the rest of the passengers in the bus. At times like that, I thank God for my dark skin, which faithfully conceals any flushing or embarrassment. I didn’t bother to look at anyone and I acted as though that little drama never happened.

All the passengers were dropped off at the base of the arrival area of the airport from the tarmac. One after the other, they all disappeared as they took the escalator to the first floor. The three of us, AY, Pemi and I waited on the ground floor for Lawrence and Nimi. After waiting for a while and he didn’t show up, I thought we should go to the first floor as he may be there. When we got to the first floor, which is the main arrival hall, we walked into a huge space with many people walking to the left and the right.

Where could he be? I wondered. I moved towards the direction of the airport's flight transit area, but I did not spot him. At that moment, I became worried. To get assistance, I looked for the information unit. On my way there, I saw a unit in charge of medics and wheelchair. I approached the lady in charge but she refused to listen to me. She advised me to visit the information area if I had any questions. When I arrived at the information desk, the man directed me back to the same woman for help.

I went back to her and immediately she started ranting about how it was not her duty to listen to my complaints. I told her I was referred to her but she still wouldn’t listen. Before she could shut me down again, I quickly told her I was looking for my husband and my daughter on a wheelchair. Without processing what I said, she said they were probably sitting upstairs at the boarding gate.

I stepped away from her as I thought about how he could have passed through the checkpoints without Nimi or his identification. At that moment, Pemi said, “mummy, let’s go back downstairs and check for daddy one more time.” Grudgingly, I agreed.

When we exited the lift, we found them in one corner of the room with Nimi sitting on her stroller. What a relief, because I didn't want to think about what would have happened if I had listened to the woman. We talked about how we missed one another and swapped notes. The one consoling factor was that we had a six-hour stopover, giving us plenty of time to use the restroom, pass through immigration, buy breakfast, locate our boarding gates and rest before our next flight.

As we waited for our flight, I kept thinking about the woman who wasn't paying attention and instead wanted to make things difficult for me so that I could leave her alone.

May we encounter compassionate people when we need them.

30/08/2023

Summer in Budapest 2023

Part 4

We received our visas for Hungary within two weeks. We had already done our homework on obtaining a Turkish visa in the interim. Nigerians having visas for the UK, the US, and Schengen formerly had the option to apply for an electronic visa. Nigeria and a few other nations, however, can no longer get electronic visas for admission into Turkey. Either we travelled to Abuja, the capital of Nigeria, or we submitted an application to an agency in Lagos, where we currently reside.

We chose to work with the Lagos-based agency but the entire process was fairly demanding. In front of the gate, there were "business men and women" prepared to attend to any request for a hefty fee. From offering services like affidavits, notarized documents, currency purchases, etc.

When we finally received our visas, Nimi's caregiver’s application was denied. After we filed an appeal, the embassy required Lawrence to fly Nimi's carer to Abuja for another interview and to deliver more documents. After deliberation, Lawrence and I decided against it. What if she didn't receive the visa despite all the stress and financial commitment? As we were to travel that week. Nevertheless, we decided to take our chance at the immigration desk at the Turkish airport.

I put foodstuffs together for the trip: yam, unripe plantain, yam flour, pound yam flour, garri, stockfish, egusi, okro, ogbonna, shawa fish, dry pepper, dry tatase, palm oil, pap. Cooked stew, okro, vegetables; fried beef, chicken and fish and froze them. Everything was packed neatly and safely into one box.

Every time we plan to stay in an apartment with a kitchen while on vacation, especially if the trip is longer than a week, I bring Nigerian food with me. I enjoy eating my own local food at least once a day.

We arrived at the airport early on the day we were scheduled to depart. We no longer make light of the fact that we should always request wheelchair assistance when booking our tickets. It makes our airport experience a whole lot better.

We made the decision to eat dinner at one of the eateries beside the boarding gates. Lawrence took care of Nimi as her carer ate. In the restaurant, a woman approached us and formally introduced herself. A professor at a university in Ogun State who specialised in teaching courses on special education. She complimented Lawrence on his care for Nimi. She claimed from experience that it was unusual to see a father so engrossed in providing care for a child with special needs. She also mentioned the affection she thought we had for Nimi, saying that it demonstrated acceptance.

In the past, my daughter would use diapers during the trip as the toilets on the plane are too small to meet her needs. Before boarding, her carer and I took her to a restroom. It took the combined effort of the two of us to do it effectively. I ensure that I disinfect the toilet seat before placing her on it. Thereafter, I control her water intake and ensure she uses the restroom as soon as the plane lands. It has worked so far. I discussed with the doctor about using a urine bag but the doctor advised against it as it may cause infection.

Nimi's dad carried her into the plane. I stayed back to fold her wheelchair and give it to the crew with a firm warning so that it would be ready for us at the plane's entry when we landed in Turkey.

29/08/2023

Summer in Budapest 2023

Part 3

There is no direct flight from Nigeria to Hungary. In the past, we had travelled through Dubai and Germany. Dubai would have been the best option for the trip however Emirates is not flying from Nigeria for now. The next best option for us in terms of price, length of first-leg layover, level of service, and airport standard will be Qatar. The family's travel arrangements are handled by my husband, Lawrence. He spotted a flight plan that would have met our requirements, but before we could decide on it, it was gone.

The next option was Turkish Airlines. We decided to use it as an opportunity to stop in Turkey for a few days on our way home from Hungary because my husband and I have never been there. We believed that obtaining a visa wouldn't be an issue and that we would be able to obtain an electronic visa, just like countries in the United Arab Emirates. We had no idea that circumstances had changed. We bought our plane tickets right away as we didn't want to take the chance of losing them.

We used Booking.com for our accommodations. We settled for a two-bedroom hotel apartment. Airbnb would have been a more affordable choice but we were a bit sceptical. What if what is on ground differs from what is advertised online? Having to deal with that for a month may not be funny, especially with kids. Anyway, we went for what we were familiar with.

We had to go to Abuja to get a Hungarian visa. I'm curious as to why most of the security personnel at embassies act as though their job is the most crucial one in the entire world. They act like little gods, as though they are the ones that will approve your visa applications. My family and Nimi’s caregiver went through the standard procedure of getting fingerprints taken, sitting for headshots, etc. My hubby was interviewed, the interviewer asked to see me and we were asked to go. The only shortcoming was the fact that Lawrence had to go to a specific Zenith Bank to pay the visa fees. In this digital age, I didn't think that was necessary. Payment can be made at the click of a button; one shouldn’t be required to travel to a bank to make any form of payment.

On getting to the airport, our flight was postponed to a later time so we had to wait until further announcement. When we booked the flight, we asked for wheelchair assistance; the worker arrived and he transferred us to an airport area that resembled a warehouse. What was this place, I wondered in astonishment? I enquired of him. It is for people with disabilities to wait until it is time to board, he claimed. I looked around the whole place while shaking my head.

I saw few people sitting there. Some of them had injuries, for example, one had a broken leg. That is what occurs when there is no strategy or culture for including people with disabilities in the community. As a result, it influences how Nigerian infrastructure is planned. To name a few, there are several roads without a sidewalk and pedestrian bridges without ramps. You never know when you might require one for yourself, and by that time you might no longer be in a position to make a difference.

We waited patiently for our flight hoping to get to Lagos on time. As the plane landed in Lagos that night, I prayed that our passports will return on time from Hungarian embassy so we can get our Turkey visas.

28/08/2023

Part 2

WHY ARE WE TAKING NIMI BACK TO HUNGARY AFTER SUCH A LONG TIME?

Nimi has an intelligent mind. She starts primary six next week.

She was nonverbal for the first three years of her life. After that her speech improved, but she still has speech impairment; when you listen carefully, you will understand what she is saying. I always start with the good part.

Physically, Nimi’s diagnosis is severe so therapy is not curative but management. As children with severe cerebral palsy diagnosis grow older, management and care become more difficult. I could write an epistle explaining this but not in this write up. In recent times, Nimi has been stressed physically, at a point she was not sleeping well, she lost weight and more challenges. I had so many questions and there were no answers. What the doctors did was make suggestions.

On the other hand, Nimi has gotten to the stage where she knows she is different from other children. “Mummy, I want to walk.” So we pray about it and at times, she will be moody. Her dad and I are also working on that aspect too. I show her videos of people who cannot walk and are making impact. I challenge her to use what she has, which is her mind. I even took her to a party for special needs children where she was one of the models. She was excited and she met other kids on wheelchair.

Therefore, attending Peto Institute was our best bet for summer. The impact of conductive education as well as interacting with other children with mobility disorder will be a better way to spend her summer holiday than going to an amusement park.

Secondly, I came across robotic assisted therapy with a center in Budapest. I got in touch with a mum whose son attended the center and I was able to open a discussion with the center. They requested a video showing her performing some activities, her x-ray and some medical reports. At the end of the assessment, they were not sure if they could work with her. However, I insisted that they see her physically before making their final decision.

Thirdly, it was time to get Nimi a customised wheelchair that meets her needs.

I sent a letter to Peto institute asking for a slot for Nimi for summer but I was told they were closed during summer. Wow! That was a rude shock as I was not expecting that. I had thought we would do two weeks at Peto and two weeks at the robotic center.

We were faced with a dilemma. Peto wasn’t open during summer, the robotic center had to assess her physically to determine if they will work with her. That meant there was a possibility that they might not work with her.

There had to be another option. I decided to look for a private conductor (conductive education teacher). We can’t travel all the way and not get any therapy done.

Fortunately, a kind lady introduced us to a private conductor. I sent her videos, we chatted and she agreed to work with Nimi. With that sorted, it was time to book the hotel and tickets.

25/08/2023

Summer in Budapest 2023

Part 1

Nine years ago, after learning about my daughter's diagnosis, I came across the book He’s A Miracle. In the book, the Nigerian author described how she took her son to the Peto Institute in Hungary, (a school that practices conductive education for children with cerebral palsy) and the boy eventually walked.

A formal definition of conductive education: A system of training for people with motor disorders, especially children, which aims to reduce their dependence on artificial aids.

From my point of view, conductive education includes a combination of physiotherapy, occupational therapy, play therapy, communication and language, yoga. It emphasizes physical activity above the use of complex technology.

This was a ray of hope for my family in the midst of hopelessness. With a little research and determination, Nimi got an invitation to attend the summer school in Budapest in 2014.

It was an eye-opening experience; my husband and I saw children of different ages with different cp diagnoses. We even met a fifty-year-old woman with severe cerebral palsy who had done very well for herself. She had a master’s degree, and had participated in skydiving.

At the end of one month spent in Budapest, Nimi didn’t walk but my husband and I had a better understanding of her diagnosis . We came to understand that each child's result varies depending on the diagnosis, the severity or otherwise, as well as other factors.

Those who knew we travelled for her therapy would enquire as to whether she was cured and capable of standing or walking. We had to educate them that it’s not malaria or typhoid. It is a developmental disorder.

Even though the child in the book I read walked, he still had cerebral palsy. He would need to undergo more surgeries as he grows taller, at least to a certain age. He would need to do therapy as a lifestyle. Moreover, he had a different diagnosis than Nimi, who had a more severe one.

Coming back to Nigeria, Lawrence and I decided that if no special needs school in Lagos would provide something close to what Peto offered, we were going to homeschool our daughter, Nimi. This was what we did until she was introduced into mainstream education.

Today, we are still doing therapy and she is also going to school. We visited Peto again in 2017 and finally decided to visit in 2023. Why now? To be continued.

22/08/2023

Summer in Budapest 2023

As the driver packed our boxes into the boot of his bus, I couldn’t believe how fast the days had gone by.

My family and I made the decision to travel to Budapest this summer so that Nimi could receive robotic therapy, conductive education, and get a customised wheelchair. Not to forget, summer holiday for the family.

Getting the visas, affordable air tickets, hotel apartment and everything in between was just the beginning of the story. The highs and lows of the summer holiday too.

Travel stories and special needs parenting loading.

24/07/2023

My Name is Nimi - Storybook

Pidgin Translation

I was determined to find the appropriate pidgin translation that most people in Nigeria would understand.

Each tribe speaks pidgin in a distinctive manner. Usually the pidgin is laced with a little bit of their language.

Wafi (Warri pidgin) is among the most interesting pidgin I am aware of but some communities in Nigeria might not be able to understand it.

Akhere Akran , (the lady who worked on the translation)and I decided to use a simple form of pidgin that is understood by the majority of tribes. - broken English.

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