05/05/2026
Long post ahead!
Before I get into it, I want to thank everyone at the Black Rose Smokeshop and my customers for being so kind and patient with me as I figure out how to run my business with my disability. I struggle immensely with socializing and you have all made me feel so welcome, I truly appreciate each and every one of you!
Being a private person is difficult when you make your work about posting and videoing your life and work. My most recent video that will be uploaded to YouTube and Twitch goes into more detail than I will get into here, but it seemed only fair to at least summarize it in a post.
My health has been in decline for months. I will most likely be starting IV treatments again to boost my nutrition because my body doesn't like to absorb it naturally through my food, and my FND (Functional Neurological Disorder) symptoms have only gotten worse since my diagnosis in 2021.
FND memory loss can mimic dementia making it difficult for me to build new memories and causing severe short-term memory loss. My mental health diagnoses like ADHD and PTSD mixed with the FND cause severe temporal disorientation on a regular basis that makes it extremely difficult to know when memories I do have took place in time.
I also tend to not know where I am or get lost easily unless I am somewhere I feel safe, which can lead to dissociative amnesia and/or functional seizures due to overstimulation.
Crochet helps me stay in the present, all my art projects keep me moving forward one step at a time and connect me to who I am as a person when my body doesn't feel like my own. Streaming has always just been for fun though, and trying to force a schedule is too much; so from now on streams will be done when I am able until my health improves.
I want everyone to know I'm doing my best, it's all anyone can do most days.
For more information on Functional Neurological Disorder you can check out https://fndhope.org/
