11/28/2019
When that early morning panic attack hits.... these have been happening a little more then normal lately. Idk if it’s mania, the holidays, work or maybe a combo of things. I do know that without Drew, my therapist, my cats and the proper medication I wouldn’t be able to find the light at the end of them. Panic attacks are feeling all the bad feelings at one time, feeling like you’re breathing too fast and also like you can’t breathe at all, like your mind is racing and having all the thoughts jumbled together like some big ugly thought soup. You get so wound up that you can’t close your eyes, you can’t sleep but at the same time that’s all you want to do while also feeling like you have to do ALL the things... but you’re frozen and you can’t. You get hot then cold and clammy. It wrecks your tummy more than a bag full of Taco Bell. It’s draining and it physically hurts from having every single muscle SO tense for that long....and the headaches 🤦🏻♀️ But I’ve learned that they DO end, they are nothing to be ashamed of, it doesn’t mean that I’m a broken person, I’m not actually dying, the world isn’t crumbling around me, that the feelings I’m feeling are VERY real but not necessarily true and that they’re scary but I’ve survived them before and I’ll survive them again.
