07/29/2026
Attention residents!
The below information has been reported to the SquidFest Committee. We have been in touch with local wildlife experts and artists alike and are happy to announce that you can join us at SquidFest on August 15 to witness this historical, once-in-a-lifetime species!
"STRANGE BIRD-LIKE CREATURE SPOTTED IN MINNESOTA RIVER VALLEY
Granite Falls, MN
July 21, 2026
A new and bizarre avian species has been spotted by river-cleaning officials in the small town of Granite Falls in southwestern Minnesota. It has been referred to by locals as the “Eglops.” Though there have only been a handful of sightings so far, current reports indicate that this alleged one-eyed eagle is around 6 ft tall, vibrant in color, and covered in revolting river trash. Until more is known about this unusual creature, officials are encouraging people to avoid contact at all costs.
Wildlife officials are calling this case a rare mutation in the Harpia genus family due to exposure to human-made garbage in the wetland habitat. “Unfortunately, this filthy species has adapted to live with us,” said one conservationist. A new study shows these birds require an abundance in fishing line for their [strange] mating displays. Local fishermen have seen it preying on vulnerable animals entangled in fishing line as well as on lead-poisoned fish. Its feeding practices are "heinous" said one angler, age 9. No injuries have been reported at this time. A community elder, however, suggested that looking into its one eye was “not something you wanna do”.
“It’s like that one yellow guy… Big Bird, you know? But like, the Stranger Things version. Not cool, bruh.”
—Garrett, 12
”I worry about a lot of stuff. But, honestly, this thing has put everything else on mute this summer.”
—Brittany, 27
”It took one of my rapolas. So yeah. I’m pretty ticked off”
—Garett’s dad, 42
At this time, we ask that residents please clean up any trash or fishing line found in ditches or along the river front to help keep these pests away. If you suspect an Eglops is roosting near you, remain calm and contact The YES! House. An artist will be deployed to your area to monitor the situation."
