06/15/2026
The UFC 250 undercard is done. The real card starts now, live from the comments section between two c**ts who make me want to become a monk and live in silence for the next 60 years.
In the newly Orange corner, an unironic Ford Raptor driver with a Snapchat and an X account at 32 sick of being taxed by the lefties so hard on his $350k job on the big build. In the Green and sometimes smelly corner, a Subaru driver with assorted protest bumper stickers and a secret bank account they never bring up at a Fitzroy garage parties where they spend my entire weeks income on ketamine and cosplay as poor and working class to fit in without having ever been locked in a car on 30 degree day as a child while their uncle has a quick slap.
Let’s get ready to insuffffferabllllleeeee!!!!!!!
Dave McF**koffwerefull is fighting out of gorgeous private school, Wesley College, where he was kicked out for stealing phones in 2010, got an apprenticeship and pretty into punch ons and packets to process where he went wrong. He spent most of his training camp panic va**ng and reading X posts about immigration and while attempting not to jump out of a window from the false sense of impending doom being jammed down his throat by bot accounts and Avi Yemeni.
The other, Soybean McF**kwit, pretty into Abbie Chatfield stuff and smelling like fish or cheese, I still can’t pin what that smell is, fights out of a 2 million dollar terrace in Brunswick East that his dad, Cornelious Malcom-Turnbull the 3rd bought him as a reward for graduating from Sydney Grammar, Soybean calls it “a share house’ to throw his other insufferable mates off the scent. All of whom moved to Melbourne to avoid being found out during their 72 month gap years. He hates bullies on the right, but will dox and email your employer if you F**KING DARE attempt to argue a point with him. It’s a Dare ice coffee vs single origin pour over clash of the sh*****se titans tonight.
Both men stand ready to fight for absolutely no one who gives a f**k about them until their partners leave them and are no longer invited to stuff.
The winner? You guessed it, it’s Benjamin Netanyahu probably allegedly.
More to come unfortunately.
