09/11/2026
A must read!! LMAO đ
LINCOLN COUNTY ORDERS DEER STANDS TO MEET RESIDENTIAL BUILDING CODES
Officials discover several hunting shacks offer better accommodations than most Merrill apartments
By DeaDon â who was removed from the zoning meeting after describing his pants as a mixed-use "development!"
MERRILL, WI (MDH) â Hundreds of Lincoln County deer stands may soon require residential building permits after inspectors discovered that local hunters have quietly transformed the traditional plywood box into what officials are calling âunlicensed seasonal condominiums with gun windows.â
The investigation began when County Inspector Gary âLoad-Bearing Bratâ Juedes visited a wooded property outside Merrill expecting to examine a collapsing ladder. Instead, he discovered a two-story hunting complex equipped with electricity, indoor plumbing, satellite television, a cedar sauna, and a wet bar featuring seventeen Wisconsin beers and one dusty bottle of something labeled âEmergency Canadian.â
âThis isnât a deer stand,â Juedes said, measuring a heated balcony overlooking the swamp. âThis is a split-level bachelor fortress wearing camouflage.â
The owner, Dennis âScope Creepâ Krombholz, insists every amenity is essential to the ancient discipline of sitting completely still while consuming beef sticks.
âYou need the hot tub to keep your core temperature stable,â Krombholz explained. âThe satellite dish tracks deer movement. Sometimes the deer movement happens during the Packers game, so youâve got to track both.â
Officials condemned the structure after determining that its beer refrigerator blocked the emergency raccoon exit and its homemade elevator consisted of a La-Z-Boy attached to an ATV winch. Investigators also found a finished basement, granite countertops, six recliners, and a suspiciously elegant guest bedroom called âThe Doe Suite.â
The controversy widened when another deer stand appeared online as a vacation rental offering panoramic swamp views, complimentary venison sticks, and âoccasional gunfire included at no additional charge.â Its $219 nightly rate immediately caused nearby property assessments to triple.
Local hunter Earl âTree Mortgageâ Schnurbusch fears the regulations will destroy a sacred Wisconsin tradition.
âMy grandpa hunted from an upside-down feed bucket,â Earl said from inside his climate-controlled observation loft. âHeâd be ashamed of this government interference, although heâd probably appreciate the heated toilet seat.â
In an unexpected development, four deer attended Tuesdayâs zoning meeting and filed objections to the stands. Through an interpreter, they demanded privacy curtains, quieter generators, and an end to hunters watching them through bathroom windows.
County supervisors postponed enforcement after realizing half the inspectors owned illegal deer stands themselves. A special committee will investigate immediately following hunting season, ice-fishing season, and whichever season allows officials to avoid doing it altogether.
