09/09/2026
Weaving calm through my story one slow moment at a time.
Weeks before my 21st my big brother was murdered at just 27 years old, a pain too deep for words. A pain so raw it still holds all our spirit everyday.
I turned to alcohol to survive, to suppress and face each day.
In my late twenties I had my 2 beautiful boys 15 months apart, my blessing to stop hiding behind alcohol but also a 10 year cycle of highs and lows with their father incarcerated and deported back home to Aotearoa. I threw myself into my work and hid behind keeping busy.
Last December at 41 while birthing we lost our beautiful baby boy Jarrah, a perfect little warrior sung back to his old people in the campfires up high.
Sent home with opioids and scripts to mask the physical and emotional pain of holding your baby boy only to have to walk away.
I refuse to not sit in my still this time around, I refuse to use or fill those scripts, I want to feel every moment of this grief and naturally heal since we have done since the first sunrise.
We are taught to rush through our grief so others feel comfortable in our presence.
Weaving moments away when I can, creating, gifting and connecting with others who have experienced the loss of a child.
Sharing my story so others don’t feel alone, so others can find their moments of still and calm. We are all just trying to survive ❤️🩹
