08/22/2026
Saturday morning. I need to send an invoice to a customer for a large order I rushed yesterday. That’s it, one simple task. (Then I get paid, woo!)
But first, coffee.
Makes a coffee. Notices I’m almost out of milk.
Okay, I need to order groceries. Opens the app and start assessing what else I’m low on.
Spontaneously takes all condiment bottles out of the fridge to check expiry dates.
Cat meows aggressively. Need to feed the cat. Notice I’m getting low on cat food. Add to cart! Sweet efficiency!
Thinks, “Am I getting low on litter too?” Goes to check the litter. Yep. Need litter.
Should probably just change the litter box while I’m here.
Gets the vacuum to clean around the litter box.
Vacuum is clogged. Can’t change the litter box until I unclog the vacuum.
Goes to get a screwdriver. Dog starts barking. Looks outside. Oh! UPS guy coming up the street!
Thinks “I should go outside to say hi.” (Gotta suck up to these guys to get the early deliveries!)
But wait…
Is he BACKING INTO MY DRIVEWAY?! Why does he have THAT many boxes? Obviously I need photographic evidence of this. Reminds myself I should be posting on social media each day 🙄
Runs upstairs to get a better view to take pictures of the UPS truck unloading.
Since I’m upstairs, I might as well gather up the dirty laundry. Go room to room collecting laundry.
Notices some of the towels I’m about to wash really just need to be donated to an animal shelter. Less washing! Ultimate efficiency!
Googles nearby animal shelters, and proceeds to consider getting a second cat. Decides to assess ALL towels: clean and dirty. Wonders if other 3 person households to have more or less than 14 towels.
Wonders how much it would cost to replace the whole lot, with new fluffy towels. Googles that s**t.
Begins learning about GSM. Decides GSM is the chonky older cousin of “Thread Count.”
Googles new king-size bed sheets. Becomes outraged by pricing. Grumbles about inflation and government. Wonders how this Epstein cover up is still happening...
Remembers I need to send that customer invoice, because I need that money for milk, let alone chonky towels and sophisticated sheets, and whatever the hell is in all of those boxes in the driveway...
Three hours later:
Coffee is cold. Grocery order contains only milk and cat food. Kitchen counter contains an alarming number of half-empty condiment bottles.
Litter box has not been changed. Vacuum is still clogged. Screwdriver now lost upstairs. Laundry and towels are literally everywhere (cant tell which are clean vs dirty now 😒)
Cat adoption application abandoned. All bed sheets now suddenly sub-par.
There are 11 large boxes in my driveway, and UPS driver is gone without even knowing what a “Good Boi” he is.
Invoice has still not been sent. Bank account still saying "feed me..."
But hey, I posted on social media today. 🤷🏼♀️
Signed,
The Queen of the Side Quest,
Stephanie
