23/06/2026
🚨 ORBIT BAITS OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨
After a record number of U-turns during the interview process, we're delighted to finally welcome Keir Starmer to Orbit Baits as our new Tea Boy! ☕🎣
The recruitment process went something like this:
➡️ "I won't be applying." ➡️ Applied. ➡️ "I won't be accepting the role." ➡️ Accepted. ➡️ "I won't be making tea." ➡️ Currently making tea.
His daily responsibilities will include:
☕ Making brews for the lads
🍪 Ensuring a steady supply of biscuits
🗑️ Emptying bins
🔄 Performing at least three U-turns before lunchtime
📋 Launching a consultation before every tea round
📈 Telling everyone the tea is getting better while using fewer teabags
Early feedback from the team has been positive, although there are concerns that every time he's asked for two sugars, he announces one thing and delivers another.
Management are also monitoring reports that he promised a stronger brew, only to water it down halfway through the kettle boil.
Still, we're committed to giving him a chance. After all, nobody can change direction faster when the pressure's on. 🚀
Welcome to Orbit Baits, Keir. The kettle is on, the biscuits are hidden, and the lads are waiting...