13/08/2026
Trigger Warning: Addiction
I wasn't sure whether to post this but I decided to be open because part of my recovery has been others sharing their stories with me.
My start in life is something that I couldn't process for a long time. I was taken away by social services and eventually adopted. That part of my life left me with a lot of trauma and mistrust.
I struggled with my identity and from a very young age I remember wondering why I wasn't enough to be wanted. Everyone knows school can be a horrible place, it pushed me further and further away from being my real self.
As soon as I discovered substances they were the off switches that finally paused the anxiety, it made the feeling of wrongness go and turned down the fear of what people thought of me.
Once I started I couldn't stop because the horrible thoughts and feelings going away became addictive... The hopelessness/self hatred doubled when I sobered up.
It led to so much more trauma and shame, the more it caused the more I needed to block things out. I couldn't see past the short term decisions I was making.
After 16 years of waking up having lost everything, with injuries, in dangerous situations, damaged friendships and more of my soul chipped away... I searched for the nearest support group.
It changed my whole life. Hearing my experiences coming out of other people's mouths, seeing people hurting in the same ways, different ways AND seeing people who weren't hurting anymore... All different but all with one thing in common. Something finally clicked back into place and now I am here 3 years sober.
I realised I'd been covering up parts of myself that I didn't understand in order to be good enough, so much that using substances was the only time the relief of taking that mask off could kick in.
It was the first step in learning to be honest instead of hiding and letting the fear of not being enough overwhelm me. There are good days and bad days but I'm doing it all with a clear mind, I wake up able to look at myself in the mirror now 🙏✨
