06/09/2026
One for our record dealers & shop owners 😂 I've a got a couple of signed Val Doonican LP's & six copies of Saturday night fever if anyone's interested.
'Customer of the day' goes to Obnoxious from Chester. Obnoxious turned up in a large van with an even larger collection of the worst music seen in the shop's recent history. Monogramed impersonations of Jim Reeves stared back at me in dismay. A thousand bedazzled Barry Manilows upturned their sleeves to the sky and laughed mockingly in my face.
In all, Obnoxious had about 5,000 records. 4,990 were instantly categorisable as 'charity shop fodder.' I shouldn't have bothered looking, but I'm a glutton for punishment. Besides, you occasionally find one decent record amongst 5,000 terrible ones. This unfortunately wasn't one of those situations.
Obnoxious helpfully refused to bring the vast majority upstairs, so I reluctantly broke shop policy and abandoned a shop full of customers to flick through several thousand albums on the side of the road. The Val Doonicans and Barbra Streisands multiplied, and the will to live abandoned me with great brutality. I was very aware that I'd abandoned a shop with customers inside to look at this 'collection.' The wind picked up and blew records down the street.
I was thoroughly unimpressed with the whole affair, and realised l was doing my best impersonation of Lord Weaver's 'sigh of resignation' every time Obnoxious brought out yet another box of Slim Whatmans. A friendly drunk arrived on the scene, and informed Obnoxious that his truck was 'an eyesore.' I was too fed up to laugh, or feel any emotions outside of general disdain at the situation. It was not fun by any measurable account.
In all, I rescued £8's worth (with circa 4,990 records rejected) and informed Obnoxious as such. Obnoxious swore at me, decided that I was incredibly rude for insulting him and his collection with my reluctance to look through it and tried to leave in a huff.
I attempted to apologise if my reluctance had been too obvious, but Obnoxious was having none of it. He said that I should be grateful to look at thousands of records, no matter how bad they are, as it's my job, and that he'd complain to my boss (good luck).
I considered trying to explain that I really shouldn't have abandoned a shop full of customers to look at his Liza Minellis, and that giving him a professional appraisal of his wares is us doing him a favour, and not the other way around, but he was having none of it. He resolved to tell all of his friends and family never to darken our doorstep again, and that he was going to sell them at auction.
Warning to Omega Auctions - beware of obnoxious men in obnoxious trucks...