17/01/2022
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Self Care Tips For Parent & Child
If your a parent especially a single parent then you will probably know how hard it is at times to bring self care into your life. We alter our days and our own needs do take a knock naturally to look after our children. How many of us have been so tired and busy tending to our crying babies that we don't even get time to eat, and it may feel impossible to plan anything especially if its around looking after your own needs. I can not tell you how many times I've said i will go on my exercise bike today or even go out for a walk, especially in my son's baby years, getting out the door felt impossible. Combined with exhaustion, stress and tending to your child's needs can mean we can start to suffer mentally and physically. If your child has special needs then it's even harder to bring in self care. I'm writing this because i have and i am still faced with the challenge of having to overstretch myself in a lot of ways, i've had to make a lot of sacrifices so i can be there for my son and to meet all his needs has often left me burned out, stressed and feeling frustrated at times. As parents we can put a lot of pressure on our self to be there for our kids, and what we can sometimes forget is that without us finding some kind of balance and making the time to take care of us then our emotional and physical cup can drain, where are we left then if our cup runs empty, we can not be there for others if we don't muster up the strength to take care of our self.
Due to me and my son suffering trauma from domestic violence I have had to adopt strategies into my life that not only benefit my son but me as well. My son does not go to school due to attachment trauma he also finds it hard to come away from me to go into any social setting, so this means I teach my son from home. My days are took up with helping my son deal with his anxieties and home schooling and its hard to keep his attention for long as due to trauma he is like a cat on a hot tin roof. I do have to devout all my time and attention to him during the day and tend to leave many things i have to deal with till the evening. Instead of using the evening to wind down, very often i have a to do list as long as my arm of things i need to do and this often has me staying up late. Also it it is common if you have been traumatised to feel comfort and safety in staying up late, night times can feel a lot more scary, once your child goes to bed your thoughts come more alive, intrusive memories come in and to keep busy is a coping mechanism. I have often only allowed my mind to close off in the early hours of the morning which has played havoc with my energy levels in the day. Its a vicious cycle, you want the energy but you also crave that spare time in the evening just to get things done. For me now enough is enough, im now going to devout this next year to really tackling the problem.
Last year my son didn't respond well to meditation, he couldn't grasp it. But only last week we tried it again and its a big HIT! What this means is the new routine will also encourage me to wind down too - and stay in bed with him somes night and go to sleep earlier - fill up my energy cup and reserve my energy for a couple of nights a week to do my own things. Instead of treating my life like its a job, I'm now practising just being - doing mode can keep - if i prioritise myself well enough there is nothing really that can not keep...i am at a stage now where if im going to be the best mum i can be then I am telling myself "I am more important than my to do list!" Taking steps back, going back to basics is going to move me forward, and i know in my heart that doing it this way will make me more productive on the days that i have reserved to be in doing mode.
The New Routine And How It Went This Week...
Instead of TV before bed we now have a nice sleepy bubble bath and we light two salt candles, we both have meditation stones too which my son loves. After our bath we've been curling up in the dark with the candles and comfy pillows and with the oils burning. We've listen to various 10 minute meditations this week, mainly around helping to let go of worries/fears. So far this one is his favourite https://youtu.be/mV9BBR1RoGg
I'm really surprised how he absolutely loves our new self care routine, combined with EFT it's really helping him to let go of his worries before bed. Towards the end of the week we even added some sleepy tea to the ritual, which he loved making and now wants to try different ones
I really thought he would kick up a stink about not watching Talking Tom before bed🤣 . He still gets to watch it but it gets turned off so then we can do these things before bed and he's totally happy with it.. RESULT!
Im loving it too, it's so nice to cuddle up and do this together. It also put me in touch with my inner child, I loved going to the moon and exploring just as much as my son did.
Soon we are going to be manifesting miracles, ... But that's another story if that goes down as well as this I will be sure to blog this too. New Year new healthy habits! As a extra self care treat ive also invested in a sleep device call wholetones...it plays acoustic music which is scientifically proven to be very healing to the body and mind and comes with a free blackout eye mask too.
So my new intentions for this year have been a great success so far, its actually got me to go to bed so much earlier, when my son has gone to sleep ive played calming music and read a book with the lights dimmed, one night i was asleep for 11pm, that's not happened for years! I will also build on this now and try to build the meditation into our morning routine as well, ten minutes out of our day to start the day off well, has got to be a winner! Maybe chuck a bit of morning yoga in as well..we are on a roll now!😀
A Few More Tips To Take Away....
Just before I leave you I thought it might be worth mentioning a few other things that have worked for us. Especially as we are all spending more time at home now and more people are home schooling, i hope you find these tips helpful and they make your life a bit easier....
Kids are never to young to start learning about self care, self kindness, self love and self compassion. to help broaden my sons self regulation tool kit, he has learned how to manage his anxieties by validating his emotions with EFT (Emotional freedom technique), being kind and compassionate towards himself around his anxieties is helping a lot also releasing his worries by visualising them floating away in a balloon. We also chat about the alarm that goes off in our heads sometimes, but sometimes its a false alarm, our fear is real but sometimes the things we get scared about are in our imagination, this helping him determine between a real threat and a perceived threat and giving him mindful ways to deactivate the alarm.
In the early days when he found it difficult for me to touch him as he used to be very hot in bed (which is a sign of trauma) i would circle round the palm of his hand gently and tell him the story of the night time fairies (yes they do exist just like santa 🤣) too this day this helps him relax as i tell him the tales of the dancing fairies all twinkeling in the moonlight, the night time faires go to bed at the same time each night, so this in ways has helped calm him and get him into bed alot easier as he dosnt want to miss out on seeing them 😉
Each night before bed we fill in a journal called DREAM BIG, we talk about the best part of his day, he draws a picture of the best part of his day, what has brought him the most joy, things he is grateful for and we talk about his wins of the day. I also tell him my joys and wins too. This is a great way of creating a positive mindset for adults too, i did this in my early recovery and I have put a blog on the website called 'Reset your mindset with this powerful practice' which if your consistent you can alter brain pathways within 3 to 6 weeks but it has to become a habit, so 5 mins in the evening just before bed, 5 mins in the morning - you wont regret it!
Talking about the wins of the day and really celebrating the small wins boosts dopamine in the brain and is a natural antidepressant. I often use this practice with my son to remind him of how he managed his anger or frustration in the day (e.g focusing on his breathing, walking away, thinking about a solution instead of the problem, if he used his toolkit to overcome a challenge then its a massive high five to him, its a WIN! I also tell him my wins, tell him how i managed my fear, anger or frustration, this way he's having it mirrored back to him that its all ok to have these emotions, we all have them its just a matter of working through them in healthy ways. No matter how small, even if you manage to get out for a walk when you feel demotivated and then after your walk you feel so much better, its a WIN... High five yourself...become your own cheerleader and your self esteem and confidence will naturally be boosted. What works for the kids will work for you too.
I also use aromatherapy and massage to help ease both of our minds, certain oils like Jasmin are very grounding, or lavender and chamomile are great for sleep, if you suffer with your hormones, sage and cardamom oils are very good. And if you buy a cheap spray bottle fill with water and a bit of lavender and chamomile oil and spray on you and your children's pillow at night, i also spray it round the bed and tell my son it keeps the monsters away as that's one of his fears at the moment. At night I have a special oil blend to massage my sons back as he drifts off to sleep, our touch especially at night is magical for them.
I also have a tickle monster puppet that i use if he get upset, using a funny voice to cheer him up and tickles can often bring him out of hysterical moments. This is also a great tool to use while your child is learning, it keeps them focused, our monster says often in a gruff voice "I haven't got the foggiest clue will you tell me what to do?"🤣 My son is then very willing to show the monster how its done and if my son does something well he gets loads of tickles and praise, it works for us, give it a try and I would love to hear from you, let me know if it helps you in anyway. Its so hard at times to keep them on task but where there is a will there's is a way!
With his lessons I have got a system that if he does 3 lessons a day he gets a trophy, any lower he will get 2nd or 3rd prize, if he does all his lessons all week he gets a certificate, and a treat, so far its really boosted him as he’s getting more of a sense of achievement. But even if he gets 2nd or third trophy is still a champion tryer! We all have off days.
Also herbal teas are a lovely ritual to bring in, i have a special night time tea. My sister bought me a lovely glass straining pot which is ideal for you too soak larger leaves and then pour without there being any residue. My dream tea is full of pure chamomile and lavender leaves, my son has recently started drinking this too and loves our tea breaks during the day where we might add a choccy biscuit to the equation😀. Me and my son have also found a lot of change to our emotional and physical health by turning to holistic medicine - herbalism and homeopathy, if you would like to know more about the benefits please don't hesitate to reach out to me.
I would really like to get my son into tapping, I use this myself with my own anxieties along side EFT mantras, last year he didn’t get it, but hopefully this year that’s something else to add to his toolkit. As with the meditation – him not taking to it the first time proves that can all change, its always best not to rule things out completely.
Last but not least my son loves humours stories, we found some great books last year that both made us chuckle, The I broke my bum books, dinosaurs wear underpants, Grimwood and I found these lovely books call Matisse The Cat put, these stories are so magical, this cat goes on so many adventures check out the website https://www.matissethecat.com/. My son has fell in love with Matisse so much I got him the toy cat off the website for Christmas and it now goes everywhere with him. Keeping your inner child entertained is so soul rewarding for you too. Humour and getting out in nature, fresh air, hugging some trees along the way to ground us you just can’t beat it!
I hope you can find something useful to take away from the blog, if you have tips you would like to share with me I would love to here them, we can learn so much from one another and whether you are a parent or not building self care into your life at any age is so good for body mind and spirit.
If you or your child are struggling at the moment don't hesitate to reach out to us. We do have lots of support available and can help you to fund the cost of any of our therapies. Our therapist is a certified NLP & EFT / Life coach and helps adults and children.
We also have a therapist who is a certified CBT Practitioner and can also provide behaviour therapy and Meditation and Mindfulness sessions for adults and children. All therapies can be accessed online and can be accessed outside of the UK.
You are not alone 💜
