Pure Derry

07/09/2025

Found a chicken's head in my cornflakes this morning. 🤮 Disgusting!

21/07/2025

I hate using this page to be negative, but the traffic in town today was a total disgrace. Everyone from the city knows O'Neills Foyle Cup brings additional traffic to our roads, and that's absolutely fine by us. We're all behind the Foyle Cup and what it brings to the town. But allowing major roadworks to coincide with a big public event that is known to place additional stress on traffic flow, is really poor form, especially so close on the heels of the Open in Portrush, which magically seemed to chase the traffic cones for a few days.

I hear it's to change tomorrow following public pressure, and rightly so! Uppa Foyle Cup!

12/07/2025

ORANGE ORDER RELAXES TRADITIONAL DRESS CODE AS TEMPERATURE SOARS 🌡️

This year's Twelfth celebrations became even more colourful than usual, after the Orange Order announced a temporary relaxation of their traditional dress code, to allow marchers to stay cool amid today's mini heatwave. ☀️

“I got up this morning and put on my aul black suit as usual” revealed 45 year old, Nelson Drive from the Waterside area of the city.

“But I was sweating my balls off by the time I got downstairs. So I was never as relieved when the LOL WhatsApp group pinged to say we could wear whatever summer wear we wanted!”

The move sent protestants across the country Bermuda-short barmy, as they scrambled to change into the summer wear to take part in today's parades.

“We take tradition very seriously obviously” explained Orange Order Grandmaster, Steven Edwardson. “But when I heard Barra Best explain that today was gonna be wile close and pure sweltering, I knew we had to put the safety of our members first ”

The move was welcomed by marchers across the city, many of whom revelled in the new relaxed dress code today.

“It was a bit weird matching in flip flops to begin with” admitted 37 year old Lincoln Courts “but once I got the hang of it I was loving life.”

“Although playing a lambeg drug when your hands are covered in factor 50 is a whole handling” he added.

Not everyone was happy about the changes though.

“I think it's disgraceful that we've broken with tradition today” remarked local loyalist, Michael Knightsbridge. “Orange Order members wearing short-shorts amid the current Kneecap controversy is disgraceful, and tone deaf!"

Today's ridiculously good weather has only heightened long held nationalist suspicions that ‘God is a Prod’.

A spokesman for heaven refused to comment.

10/07/2025

Maybe it's time for a cross-community bonfire that directs the anger and finger pointing of ordinary people at the real culprits behind the state of affairs here, and across the world? 🤔

Apologies to nationalism, division, control, misinformation, divide & conquer and corruption, who were sadly just out of shot on the other side of the boat. 👀🙇‍♂️

02/07/2025

10 MiNUTE WEATHER FORECAST

The Pure Derry Met Office is advising everyone to pack an umbrella ☔, sunglasses 😎, wellies 👢, suncream ☀️, a big coat 🧥 and a wife be**er 🎽 for all essential journeys either today, ⚠️ or sometime in the next 10-20 mins.

Stay safe out there folks 💚

27/06/2025

When Max Roddy hits Max Capacity....👉

A SECOND date (Fri 18th July) has now been announced for Max's new show in St Columb's Hall next month, due to demand. I've known the big man for many years, long before he was TikTok famous (selling cheap f**s to his PT clients 🤣). We've filmed a rake of skits together (possibly even a new you haven't seen yet 👀).

Ye prob know Max as the funny man with the big personality, but he's also one of the nicest fellas about - who is unafraid to be real, be himself, talk about difficult stuff and have the craic. My people 💚

Well done bud. Tickets for both dates 👇

Tickets are now available for Max Roddy presents Peter Pan at St Columb's Hall, Derry between Saturday 5th July 2025 and Friday 18th July 2025. Click the link for further information and to secure your tickets now!

22/06/2025

𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐏𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 🎮
Now available to pre order ⌛

20/06/2025

DFI OPENS POTHOLE THEMED FUNPARK AT FORT GEORGE

Following Mark Durkan’s revelations that the Department For Infrastructure have NO plans to fix the Strand Road for another DECADE, Stormont chiefs have announced a revolutionary new idea to fund road repairs in the city - by opening a pothole themed funpark at Fort George.

“As you can see, the entire surface here is really dodgy, poorly maintained and badly in need of investment” explained DFI spokesman, Phil McCracken.

“And if we turn around and look over at Fort George now too, we’ll see it’s almost exactly the same!” he continued.

“It’s the perfect site to launch our new ‘Pothole World’ experience, which will let local families safely enjoy the full pothole experience without damaging their rims, swearing like f***, or being hit by a car”

All the money generated at Pothole World will go toward fixing the Strand Road, which otherwise is not due to be resurfaced until 2034.

“It’s not exactly the plan I had in mind when I wrote to DFI” admitted Foyle MLA, Mark Durkan. “But if it brings in the money needed to fix the roads, then perhaps local people will support it”

People have already started to flock to the temporary theme park, which opened swiftly today to capitalise on the rare sighting of the big warm yellow thing in the sky, and offering lots of fun pothole based activities including waterslides, jacuzzis, plunge pools and bouncy castles.

“Aw, it’s been class craic” explained local mother of five, Anita Babysitter. “My wains have been splashing about in and dive bombing into potholes for hours on end. We haven’t had this much craic in a dirty wee hole since we went to Strabane"

PotHole World is open this weekend, costing £10 per person. Or £30 for a family pass.

“If Derry people want their roads fixed, then our response now is the same as it’s been for years” admitted Phil McCracken from DFI. “Slide on folks!”

20/06/2025

Unsure if this is genuine or taking the hand outta someone, (hence the blurred out number), but spotted this out in this wild yesterday 😂

Can confirm it wasn't me (Sorry ladies 🙃). But like, is Derry Tinder that bad these days? ♂♀

Maybe Dear Majella's Lonelyhearts needs to make a wee comeback? 🤔

19/06/2025

Hurry, places are selling out fast. ⌛