29/05/2026
Good evening everyone.
It is Wayne here, 'Tonto to Susan's Lone Ranger' and 'Shaggy to Targas Scooby Doo.
I hope that I find you all well.
So, there I was, sitting in the sunshine over the Bank Holiday Weekend, having a glass of wine or three (I have to be honest, I lost count and in all fairness, I have no regrets as it was absolutely delicious!), having an in depth conversation with Targa, when I decided to ask her why she preferred 'barking' instead of 'talking English'.
She looked at me down the barrel of her mussel (imagine if you will, a stern headmistress wearing half moon spectacles), as if I were about to be chastised. However, her reply was most unexpected.
"Dad", she said with a heavy sigh as she leaned forward.
"I will tell you exactly why!"
"Firstly, I am a dog, so barking is my first language and also my language of choice".
"Secondly, I find English most perplexing. Please allow me to give you an example".
"If the GH sound in enough is pronounced 'F'
and the O in women makes the short 'i' sound
and the TI in nation is pronounced 'SH'
Then the word:
'GHOTI' is pronounced just like 'FISH'
This is why I choose to bark. It is much easier!"
She then poured herself a glass of Chardonnay, sliced herself a piece of Colsten Basset Stilton, pulled some crackers from the box, helped herself to some grapes, and sat back in her lounger.
I stared in bewildered amazement, as I tried to make sense of the situation.
'I mean, who drinks Chardonnay with blue cheese?'
Anyway, I digress.
Here is the 'Wing and a Prayer smile for the day' . . .
I went to Majestic Wine the other day on my bike.
I bought two bottles of wine and put them in the bag which I have on the handlebars.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself,
"If I fall off my bike, the bottles might break",
so I decided to drink both bottles before I set off.
As it turns out, this was a very good decision, because I fell off my bike seven times on the way home!