09/09/2026
Poogate is a bit of an old story in Dixie Dot history.
One sunny morning a smart, well dressed man in his 50s wandered in and started behaving very oddly. Obviously my brain went to debt collector, council inspector, environmental health. Yknow, someone who didn't need to be at Dixie Dot. After I said hello he quite literally turned and ran out the door. Weird.
10 minutes later he ran back in, down the studio and locked himself in the loo.
I didn't know what to do. Twenty minutes later he was still in there. My customers needed the loo, I had no idea how to deal with the situation of a strange man locked in there.
I gingerly knocked and enquired if everything was ok. A rather strangled 'yes I'm FINE' came back, not sounding like he was fine at all. Another 15 minutes went by and I'd had enough so I banged on the door and demanded to know what he was doing in there (brave).
I got a barrage of abuse, told to f**k off and that it was none of my business (despite the fact he was in MY loo, on MY business premises!)
I told him I'd call the police.
He ran out the toilet and I chased him out the studio and through the car park where I lost him.
As I walked back in to inspect the loo, the smell hit me first.
Poo.
Everywhere.
I mean, everywhere.
You've heard the expression 's**tshow'? It was created for this event.
All over the seat, the cistern, the walls - finger marks where he'd dragged it down them, the floor, in the plug hole, down the sink, in the overflow....
It was at this point I thought perhaps the best course of action was to shut the door, close the business, post the keys through the letterbox and never go back into the studio ever again.
Obvs while I cried and heaved in the kitchen my Mum, who wasn't great with bodily functions at the best of times, snapped on some Marigold's, grabbed the bleach and set about cleaning it up GOD LOVE HER.
His bosses at Octopus Energy told me he'd been feeling ill and needed the loo. I dunno about you but not once when I've had the s**ts have I felt the need to push it down the sink overflow with my fingers?!!
I did get an apology from Octopus and the biggest bouquet I've ever seen!!
But, ERGH!!!