27/07/2026
Some days I wonder how much resilience one person is supposed to have. Lately, I’ve been struggling. Really struggling. From the outside, I’m probably doing what I’ve always done …. get up, crack on, look after everyone, try to keep smiling. But inside, I don’t feel like me anymore.
Every morning I wake up with positivity. I tell myself, today will be a good day. It will be a normal day… But it feels like the days slowly chip away at me. Yesterday was one of those days.
I got up early with a spring in my step, made a Sunday dinner, invited the girls’ friends over, and for a moment I imagined having everyone happy under one roof. Just a normal Sunday. The kind of Sunday most families don’t even think twice about. Instead, it unravelled.
I ended up Wynny’s emotional punchbag, and once my plans start falling apart, I find it so hard to pull myself back out of that place. Maybe my expectations were too high? Maybe I keep chasing a version of “normal” that life just won’t let us have right now. I don’t know.
People always say, “The universe only gives you what you can handle.” But what is it trying to tell me? What is it trying to teach me? Because I genuinely feel like I’ve had enough lemons now to make a lifetime’s supply of lemonade.
I’d quite like a few apples instead….
I’m sooooo tired. Not the kind of tired that sleep fixes. The kind of tired that settles in your soul after years of fight or flight and carrying everyone else’s emotions while quietly trying to hold your own together. I feel like I just try so bloody hard all the time.
I’m grateful for so much right now too. I’m grateful Kaitlyn is home. I’m grateful for my girls, for Gary, for my family, for every person who continues to support us. But I also need to be honest, I’m not okay and I’m not myself.
Some days I feel like I’m just surviving them, waiting for tomorrow and hoping it might be a little kinder than today. Maybe that’s all any of us can do sometimes?
So if you’ve been feeling a bit like this too, please know you’re not alone. And if you’ve got any apples spare… send them my way pretty please 🙏🏼 🍎❤️