19/08/2018
Researching my own family tree started as a therapeutic exercise following my parent’s passing. It was a hard blow for me to deal with and I wondered about so many things.
My Dad used to tell me all my family were in Tarvin Churchyard and that if I ever wanted to find them I should walk round and find them. Never thought at the time that I should have asked him quite a lot of stuff. I was so angry with myself following his death. This didn’t deter me at all. It made me far more determined to explore the available records and find out about my ancestry.
When I was about 10 years old Mum asked me to bring something from upstairs, which I did. But in an effort to reach the thing she’d asked for I knocked over a box of papers. I shuffled the papers back together and placed them back in the box. As I went to close the lid, I noticed a document that had my Dad’s name on it. The writing stated that he had been formerly married to someone else. That piece of paper stuck in my mind. Although I never spent very much time thinking about it. Well you don’t when your young. Too busy out enjoying things.
Once I had settled down and been married, I must admit it did take more space in my mind more frequently. The house I had obtained was in need of modernisation and my Dad being a builder, along with other members of his family, set to and began necessary renovations. He spent every weekend with me. We drank many cups of tea and talked about the world and his wife. One Saturday I was washing a few dishes while we had a cuppa and quite out of the blue my Dad started telling me I had a brother who was buried in Fife. The hairs rose on my neck and my head went into overload. I wasn’t sure I had heard him correctly. My hubby at the time came into the house at that moment and I was distracted, along with my Dad. It wasn’t until I was in bed drifting off to sleep that the conversation came back to me. I fell asleep thinking of the conversation.
The following weekend I stole a few moments when me and my Dad were on our own and tried to follow up what had been said. All I got of him was, “your Mum would be hairless if she thought I had told you anything.” Again we were interrupted. This went on for a while to say the least. My Dad never did get all the words out. Before I knew it he was in the midst of a stroke.
He was a quiet ‘shy’ man and I put his caution down to not wanting to rock the boat with my Mum. So yet again things were left while more important stuff got dealt with.
Eventually, I sat and thought about things surrounding my Dad’s family history. Having sorted through all the papers in the ‘important’ box, I had discovered the document I had seen so many years ago. It was my Dad’s marriage certificate to his FIRST wife!
After the stroke Dad has regressed to an earlier time in his life. He kept asking where’s the lad and to keep ‘her’ away. I had two children. A boy and a girl. I was mortified to think he could differentiate between them he never had before. Unfortunately I couldn’t get any sense out of him regarding his marriage prior to My Mum.
I found papers relating to a divorce between him and another person. There were two children of the marriage and one had died as a toddler. Having been told by my Dad I had a brother buried in Fife, the penny dropped! I immediately started searching for Births, Deaths and Marriages in Fife in Scotland. After quite a painstaking couple of months eliminating incorrect information I found the birth certificate of my Dad’s son. Then alas his son’s death certificate. The certificates checked out on everything my Dad had sad. I went on to discover my half sister. This took a bit more research as after all these years she had been married. Fortunately Scottish certificates include the name of your father in every event. I had about 25 certificates to check out. At £12.50 a time and waiting for each one to arrive, I was
Frustrated but eventually came up trumps when my Dad’s name and place of birth address was staring me in the face. I can still feel the beat of my racing heart at the time.
The next step was to decide whether or not I should write to introduce myself. After a couple of days I decided to put pen to paper. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I wrote at the beginning of September of that year. I didn’t have any idea of time in my head so I let it ride. Christmas Eve, three months later, along with a random Christmas card, a letter dropped through the front door. My sister had written back. It was a big surprise for her too. I thought I may never hear but all my research and effort had paid off. I had lived my life as an only child and now I had a Bona Vida sister! Eureka!
I have since discovered I have an extended family now of 5 nephews and 2 nieces, with their children. And a lovely brother-in-law too.
We are a few miles apart but these days distance us nothing!
I have to say this was a real buzz for me! Part of such rewarding research in my family tree!
