28/07/2026
The problem with dating is that every c**t arrives dressed as Prince Charming. They hold doors open, buy flowers and tell you you're "different." You order Prince Charming but somehow Wish delivers the village fu***ng idiot. Fast forward three months and turns out the shiny armour was just tin foil wrapped around an absolute fu***ng turnip
Scented with delicate English garden rose, blooming florals, and a hint of "fu***ng hell, not this again," this candle is a floral reminder that shiny armour means f**k all if the man inside it is a complete helmet. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it's perfect for recovering from another spectacular dating disaster whilst raising your standards
Pro Tip:
Light this before a first date. If he mentions "high-value males" or starts quoting Andrew Tate... extinguish the candle and your interest immediately
Warning:
May cause a sudden ability to spot a c**t in tin foil from several postcodes away and the uncontrollable urge to leave any clowns at the circus where they belong
