23/08/2025
How social media works
—-
You:
“I’m going to eat a biscuit 🙂”
—-
The replies:
“But I don’t like biscuits! 😡”
“You shouldn’t eat that type of biscuit, you should eat this type of biscuit instead”
“Biscuits are bad for you”
“Allow me to educate you about biscuits. You probably don’t know this but…”
“You should make your own biscuits instead”
“I just had some vegetables from my vegetable garden, much better than biscuits!”
“I’m better than you at eating biscuits”
“Fake!”
“Wrong!”
“I actually did my PHD on biscuits so I’m more qualified than you to talk about biscuits”
“Alright for some!!! Some of us can’t afford biscuits!!!”
“Why am I seeing this on my feed?”
“That’s not how you spell biskuits”
“My great grandmother actually invented biscuits”
“No, sorry, I do not want diabetes thank you very much. Do you have diabetes? I bet you have diabetes.”
“How are you not dead?”
“Unfollowed”
“Where can I buy biscuits please?” (It’s written in the post, and the answer is “all supermarkets”)
“What are these biscuits called?”
“Processed rubbish!!!!! 😡”
“Do you mean cookies?”
“I’m not reading all that”
“I haven’t eaten biscuits since I saw a YouTube video about biscuits and saw they’re made with horse poo”
“I haven’t eaten a biscuit since being diagnosed with gout in 1972”
“Recipe please”
“That’s not a biscuit, it’s a cake, there was a famous court case that said…”
“I know this is meant to be a lighthearted post about biscuits, but I’m going to talk about something incredibly serious and off-topic instead…”
“So?”
“I find this post offensive”
“🤢🤮🤮”
“Why?”
“No banana for scale?”
“Where is the plate from please?”
“Hello kind stranger. I came across your profile and I must say I hold a deep respect for you and your content. Please can you DM so we can start a mutual friendship. Bless you dear. 🌹”
“You need to get out more mate”
“Biscuits were better in my day”
“Oh I love biscuits! Great post! Thank you! Love your content!”
