You got this Momma

13/05/2026

I choose to not go not because I want to but because I was scared not to see my children anymore.
I was scared to be alone.
I was scared not to see and hear their voices around me.
I was scared that they might be taken away from me when I leave.
I am scared that my departure might be used against me for my children.

15/04/2026

When my mom told me that she was shocked yesterday when my husband told me to not hurt his daughter.

I simply replied her that it's normal, he always say that to me.

But then I realized, maybe it was normal for me but not for other people because I got used of being disrespected.

24/01/2026

When You want her to be at home only...

24/01/2026

When your husband tells you that he is only doing things for the sake of the baby in your womb and not because of you. Never forget that!

23/01/2026

I love being a mom and so grateful for being blessed with my children.

But after all the chaos of taking care of kids, laundry, cleaning the house, washing dishes, organizing the four corners of the house with the screams and clinginess of my kids, cooking,
What do I got as a reward? Nothing.

No remembrance of wedding anniversaries, received a cake a day before my birthday coz he thought it was the day, no appreciation on a mother's Day atleast. No allowance even on his salary day, sometimes I'm not even aware if he received.

He taught me to be rude, to be tough emotionless. To hate celebrations. To not give importance even to my birthday, to my value.

I lose myself in the marriage.
I lose the Interest to socialize.
I resent people for not backing me up.
I hate my world for not knowing my real situation is.

But maybe, it's all because I allow this all to happen.
I cannot simply let go because of my children.
If I go, he won't allow me to take them.
I don't even know how can I go.
And my heart is also with him so how can I go?
And even if I want to, how? I don't have a single penny and I just can't go out from this country without approval from him.
I am an educated person. I used to provide for myself, my family and even some people in need.
But now I don't have anything.
How can I even survive? Or escape? Or move on? Or let go of my children if I have to go alone?

How?
Oh God, how?

23/01/2026

09/09/2025

It was not the refusal to bring me to the store I want to go,
Today I realized that my requests for my needs and wants are always rejected.
Yes, he did brought us to the hospital for check up, because it is a must and it's not for me but for the child inside me.
He doesn't bring me to mall or for any shopping, if we do it's probably not for me but because we need to buy for our children ( rarely) or for his family or relatives.

But for my personal needs? For the things I want to do? For the places I want to go? It happens once I a blue moon.

Maybe it's my fault coz I tolerated and whenever he agreed to do something for me I always feel the guilt for getting him tired, bothered or lose money.

So it's not just simply because he again rejected my request to go to thrift store but it showed me how my personal interests don't matter to him.

He is a responsible father. A loving and obedient son. A caring brother. A generous stranger. A gentleman to any ladies he face. But a neglectful husband.