15/09/2026
it’s broken for a long time now
FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF SLEEP REMEDIATION:
A local tradie who has spent the last ten years trying every known sleep remedy from prescription grade melatonin to listening to ambient rainforest sounds has today declared himself completely cured of chronic insomnia.
The breakthrough didn’t come from a top tier sleep specialist or a groundbreaking clinical trial, but rather from the high octane snooze fest that was the Formula 1 Madrid Grand Prix.
John Henderson, 44, says he originally dragged himself onto the lounge at midnight with the intention of enjoying a thrilling display of pinnacle motorsport. Instead, he was treated to seventy laps of multimillion dollar carbon fibre rockets parading single file through a spanish industrial park.
"I turned on the Madrid GP. By lap two, they were just trundling around a series of ninety degree bends bounded by concrete barrier walls. By lap three, the hypnotic drone of V6 turbo hybrids failing to overtake each other acted like a tranquilizer dart straight to the neck. I was out cold before the first pit window."
Local medical professionals have already taken note of John’s miraculous recovery. Dr. Lig Maybahls, a PRD medical consultant, confirmed that the Madrid street circuit presents a revolutionary new frontier in sleep medicine.
"What we saw on Sunday night was a masterclass in sensory deprivation," Dr. Finch remarked. "The complete absence of wheel to wheel racing, combined with a track layout that looks like a bunnings parking lot, creates a natural sedative effect hitherto unknown to modern science."
John says he plans to record the remainder of the street circuit calendar to ensure he never has trouble sleeping again.