12/15/2022
Everyone in my house has the flu, including me. The flu has caused my Cyclic Vomiting and Gastroparesis to flare up. I spent all night on the bathroom floor shaking, boiling hot, and vomiting an obscene amount. I haven't flared up since I was in England. And right now, this flare-up is making me really miss .butler .
When I got to England, I flared up pretty bad (we debated a hospital visit), but i couldn't vomit. The pain was so unbelievable, and I spent so much time on her bathroom floor curled around the toilet and fighting back so many tears. I've never flared up in front of anyone but family before. I felt so embarrassed to be in such a vulnerable position in front of someone that I was meeting for the first time in person. But holy s**t was she a fu***ng Saint! She (along with her mother during the day) lovingly took care of me. She sat in the bathroom with me, she brought me tea, brought me bins to puke in if I needed to, brought me this weird medicine that helped me puke, and warm compresses for my tummy. At one point, as we sat on the bathroom floor, she could see I was fighting tears and in so much pain. She looked over and said, "If you need to cry, you can," and right there, the tears just came pouring out of my face. As I cried, she came over and hugged me while I hugged the toilet crying.
I am so grateful for that gross intimate time we spent with each other. I am grateful for all of your care while I was sick. I am grateful for you allowing me to be weak while sick. Most of all, I am grateful for you and your place in my life. You are so special to me and such a delight to know. Thank you so much for being exactly as you are and allowing me to be exactly as I am. I love and miss you SO SO SO much!
