09/08/2026
With my mom on hospice, it's been a lot for all of us. I feel very guilty for not being able to keep my mom at home. With just the three of us, plus hospice help it still wasn't enough. I am having so many feelings surrounding this whole part of life that I just cry sporadically throughout the day. I worry about her care still. Just as bad as when she was home, but I do trust she is in a better place because she has people looking out for her. I am doing my best. And I'm not exactly sure if I'm supposed to be suffering as well. I sometimes feel guilty for going out and having a good time knowing what state she is in. My mom has to be fed, she's in a lot of pain from her back and a recent fall, so she's gettinga lot of morphine. I almost cannot bare the thought of what my mom is going through... "sigh"
I have been fortunate enough to be surrounded by people who support me and know I'm doing what is best, but it fu***ng sucks. My mom was/ is a bad ass. I'll tell you stories soon enough, but for now, I'm going through some s**t and so are my kids.
To my daughter, who has tried her best to help while my mom waz at home. Thank you
thank you DaddyBuffalo for loving me and making me baths, food, laughing, and taking me on adventures and making sure I'm supported and still enjoying life during this difficult time. Thank you Amber Stevens and Rebecca and Sabrina Marie Adair for being there for this time, and sara for reaching out to support me through this process. And to my son, Brandon White for jumping in and helping every time we need you. Im so proud. And De La Vaca for coming over and helping me move furniture to fit my moms hospital bed when she was home. And to my neighbors for helping store flora and being there these last 4 years of my crazy life.
I'm just so grateful and so sad, you are all appreciated.
