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05/31/2026

my dad said in just a couple days I already look way healthier, and I probably agree

it takes a lot to resist the urge to dive immediately when the surge of inspiration and ex*****on hits, but I suspect that they’re pretty right that more rest will go a lot further

to more Gatorade, singing, movies, and conditionally adding side quests each day

05/28/2026

terrifyingly vast and unknown— the sky, the people we love at the many intersections of life whose paths unfold perpendicular soon after,

the cutting depth of pain and pleasure absolutely avoided through a mix of fear and intuition —

the sudden awareness of the cliff’s edge of those concepts and feelings —

like the sudden claustrophobia of knowing you’ve irrevocably signed away the next 10+ hours to fly in a finite tin can,

but it’s okay that you’re by the window because the glimpses of clouds and cityscape pointilism are enough between shows and sleep and apple juice to keep you til landing

Lapaata ladies (FINALLY) finished on this flight, a Korean movie called pretty crazy whose depth I 10000% did not expect AT all,

(too dehydrated to cry, awake enough to take stills and write in my notes app on 0% brightness)

rediscovering the world of , laughing so hard at that I could barely say chai, thank you to the flight attendant, and checking off long hair tattoos and pretzels to my chandigarh neighbor

ONCE AGAIN who gafs (I do) I thought I played quite softly and safely but the phone still picked it up — I’d love to belt but through the next few times I’d relearn (and just: learn, period) some more chords, progressions, and asymmetric coordination between R&L and my voice — so that cowboy cossack ride (from the blue piano book?) and Mickey Mouse are not the only complete(ish) songs I can play by heart

05/18/2026

I was warned about 8+ months ago that a particular path could come with a lot of … speedrunning through character development in the life falling apart (many times over), confrontations of so many kinds, and existential and practical uncertainty.

Bravely and semi-naively (like most good stories), I’ve stayed on this path anyway, and WOW has the character development delivered on its promise.

Even as a serial agathist, some of the weeks of overlapping crises, expectations, failures, and pressure ducked the reach of my optimism for far longer than usual.

I’ve also experienced dreams, bucket list lines I’d almost forgotten, and feelings I forgot I wanted to experience coming true in ways I sometimes planned and sometimes by surprise.

There’s so many patterns that ended angry, loud, and audibly, and so many whose absence I haven’t noticed yet — but I’m excited to be Being & reaaaally want to cut through a few particular ones in these weeks.

I’ll be letting you know how that goes.

To more phoenix and forge 🐦‍🔥

05/08/2026

to forever playing would you rather by my own rules — and assuming we all can + (should? why stick to just A or just B vs both or C), intergenerational and generational friendships, and posting even when it’s prob not the best version we can do — but it’s of the first and the fun takes

04/25/2026

there’s something brilliant in rnb, acapella, and delivering your thoughts “acapella” sans the context and layered tracks of inspiration and meaning that they’re imbued with —

acapella thoughts can give other people the space to process your ideas through their own context, it can confuse them like in media res poetry or abstract art,

however like most summaries of the great rule breakers across art, business, and social rules — there’s power and new tools to be earned through knowing precisely how to communicate and translate the internal symphony — and then choosing which pieces to hold and which pieces to layer in to the audible rendition of your thoughts

funny (to me), this ties back so well to a thread of the “information transfer” problem I’ve thought through so many times since freshman year — how two people can have so much of the same context, framing, and shared experience and STILL not

(1) directly communicate their intended information and (2) experience several layers of miscommunication that can run so nuanced that these transfer gaps are both difficult to detect and yet fundamentally alter their perception of the information

Which also ties back to the core lesson of the Pricing Policy class … and probably Strategic Reasoning with Prof. Selman too — * this * is why the simplest signals of incentive and intention and slivers of additional if/then plans can out-power complex layers of multivariable esoteric strategy

this started as a near midnight singing session so is still rightfully tagged 😉

04/23/2026

getting closer to the actual event itself — gift arrangements and flowers soon …

04/23/2026

more on the humanity of octopi + realizing that the real terror of the Dan Brown book that made me unable to shower or step into an aquarium was actually a human villain

maybe part of my insistence to not eat calamari at Italian restaurants shifted from fear and disgust to a bit more of empathy and … dare I say, affection? they’re basically swimming brains of thought and electricity

& essentially the previous caption’s thoughts on video format that I found just now

04/23/2026

Guru Vandana is a celebration of the guru and student relationship of knowledge transmission, academic and spiritual development, and many more layers of meaning wrapped into three hours

I wandered Hello World for twenty minutes without feeling the resonance of the right gift for two of my professors — and I walked out to finally experience and actually take part in a mini market outside of the bookstore

As I walked and saw the hibiscus (I’ve been considering making pet #1 a hibiscus tree for a while now), then cacti, and finally the flowers — I suddenly felt several clicks as the familiar feeling of having found the right rationale and emotional connection and feeling infused in the right gift for the right person all fell into place

I’m slow to buy a souvenir or write the intro of an essay and quick to use a big theme like light and dark and night and day to guide my attempts at art, because I want a meaning that makes sense to me and feels right

That could mean artificially forcing or needing meaning where it’s best to not over interpret it (like the Hector figurine after skipping the music box, and learning his Hamartia later) — but it also means that when it does click — it feels especially right and well settled in my heart

That also extends to the random pack of marine creature cards I found after two separate failed cvs trips, being logged out of amazon, and randomly turning the box in acme to find I was right — and using the octopus I’ve learned to see far more beauty in, and the turtle whose 3 century purview I’ve come to appreciate much more.

I always wondered why the rabbit didn’t just take a shorter set of naps in between, maybe polyphasic sleep isn’t the answer

04/03/2026

my advisor emailed his feedback 🐡 our flight just landed and I will be taking a shower and a nap before checking into my new reality

revision & sustained editing and consideration is a sub-bullet to every genre of skills and fields in my notes app

excellence through steps of narrow excellence, rest, realigned big picture, 🔂

maybe one of my areas to conquer discomfort (that’s been in progress) is nature itself — the big spider in the corner I continued to study by, going to an aquarium for the first time effectively since the Dan Brown octopus scene that gave me years of recurring sushi restaurant diver nightmares, kraken nightmares, and made me scared of showers, to hiking and willing away the disgust at banana slugs to see them as cute (?) and odd

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