02/01/2021
From my new book, THIS ISN'T SO F !ED UP
Once there was a World, it was just being built. As God was placing the trees and then he looked down and said, ‘what if man was to build the Earth? What would it look like?’ So, God erased the whole Planet and made one single Man in the form of himself. God placed that Man in South Africa then he looked really hard, ‘this will be too easy for Man to escape to another region of the Earth.’ So, instead of placing Man in South Africa he placed the Man on Australia because it was surrounded by water. Ok, Man this is what I have for you. Every time you come to the cave; I give you an offering. So, the Man was outside, then he walked to the cave and no one was there, not one thing. He looked in then a body showed up, it was a Woman carrying a dish and in the dish were seeds. She stopped just before leaving the cave. Man said, ‘well new creature what do you have to offer me.’ The Woman responded, ‘I have this dish and inside the dish is a verity of every kind of seed, every type of seed one could imagine. So, the Man called to God, ‘how do I make the seeds mine?’ God said, ‘I will make a spear and you will thrust the spear into the Women and she will reproduce the seeds by a thousand.’ The spear appeared and the Man thrust the spear into the Woman just as God had said, then she vanished in thin air as all the seeds planted themselves. The Man waited another day and then ran down to the cave, but this time the spear was up right at the entrance. God said, ‘you’ll be happy to see what the Woman has for you as a gift.’ The Man looked and saw a cup of water. The Woman said, ‘surely you cannot live without a fluid.’ So, the Man graved the spear and shoved it into the woman the same way as the first time. The next day the Woman was standing there with a flaming fire. The Woman said, ‘do you desire this fire?’ The Man Responded, ‘Yes Maim I do’, and then he thrust the spear into her heart and after this Man had fire. Out of all these great things the Man had become balanced with great wealth of having these gifts thrust upon him by the thousands. The next day the Woman was at the cave, in her hand she had a dark object. So, the Man asked, ‘what is that in your hand Woman?’ The Woman responded in my hand is the night it turns light into dark. The Man asked, ‘who would want such a thing a darkness?’ So, the Woman sat at the cave and the Sun stayed up days at a time and he left to eat and he came back to the cave and the Woman was still standing at the foot of the cave, there with the night in her hand. So, Man sat at the cave saying, ‘why would you wish such a thing as the night to come.’ The Women said, ‘Kill me off and find out?’ The Man turned to the cave and then turned to God, ‘what is this a trick?’ God said, ‘no.’ Man said, ‘why can’t I have another wish other than this night?’ God responded ‘one comes before the other.’ Then Man said, ‘I wish this Woman, who wants darkness against me would have to make the same sacrifices that I did to get this far.’ All the sudden the cave closed as the Woman stepped out. Man said, ‘what is this now God?’ God responded, ‘the Woman that holds the darkness is yours forever.’ So, every time the Man would touch this Woman it would turn dark. He finally said to God, ‘why does it turn dark every time I touch this Women?’ God responded you must multiply the earth evenly before this curse would go away, so Man had a child by Woman and named him Sun and had another child and named her Daughter, after their second child day became night and night broke into daytime. Man said to God, ‘now that I have worked so hard and me and the Woman have children what else is there to do?’ God said, ‘all good things come with hard work, after hard work is done you must rest.’ So, Man said, ‘Ok but I would rather rest on the woman’s time?’ God said, ‘so be it, you rest at night.’ Then the women said, ‘this is unfair God, why did he take my time away to rest?’ God responded, ‘I will make one last deal for you Woman, remember anything you think of might come true any time while the earth still has night and not day.’ So, the next morning the Women asked the Man to fix the spot on the roof, and to comb the seeds, and to water the field?’ Man responded by asking God, ‘where did this Woman get this type of work from?’ God responded, ‘as soon as it turns night you relax again.’ Then it turned night and the next morning came and God noticed that Man was tired. God said, ‘what is going on with you Man?’ Man responded to God, ‘the women took back her nights!’
