08/01/2025
July 31st 2025
Remembering Andrew Gutt today. It’s been 31 years ago you were called home to be with the first love of your life and meet your baby son you never got to know here on earth. We only had 7 short years together and I am very thankful for the time we had. You always said God gave you your very own Angel. You called me my Angel and you were always my Andrew. I believe God gave me my own special Angel the day you were carried up to heaven on the wings of an Eagle. Looking back many years ago it was 2003. I still remember sitting in my rocker at home feeling very sad and alone. My life always seemed to be in a a turmoil. Making bad decisions being in bad relationships. I didn’t have true happiness in my life. I had stopped attending church which I had been so very active and involved in. Not that I didn’t still pray to God and I always still listened to my Christian music but I wasn’t living the Christian lifestyle that God had intended for me. Sitting there in that chair listening to my music which always brought me comfort I felt a strong hand grip my shoulder and felt as though there was someone’s breath upon my neck and then I heard this firm but loving familiar voice whisper loudly in my ear asking me what the hell are you doing with your life. I knew It was your presence your grip your loving but firm words that you spoke to me that day that allowed me to close that chapter of my life and to move forward and begin a new chapter for my future. One that brought me back to the person I was when I married you in Dec. 1987. But my thoughts bring me back even further to 1997. I was in an unhealthy relationship that God or you would not approve of.
However that year I met new people and made new friends through a CB radio club I had became involved with. Lower Channel 22. There were quite a few of us that talked together carried on long conversations. We would get together for the channel CB breakfast at grandpa’s restaurant or Big Boy for dessert. One of the CB ers Kingpin was friends with the guy I was dating so occasionally we got together at Kingpins to play cards with him and his girlfriend on Saturday nights. We all became friends. In fact I still remember attending Kingpins mom’s funeral in the fall that year and sending a big plant arrangement to his home. I didn’t know his mom but he was our friend. In Dec. of that year the CB club had a surprise 40th birthday party for me at one of the women’s pole barns. There was food music and dancing. Many people I had met at some of the cb get togethers. Some I had talked with and carried on conversations but had never met before. I remember when Kingpin got there with a big smile on his face dressed in a pair of bootcut jeans a western shirt black leather vest shiny black cowboy boots and a Large brim black cowboy hat. Kingpin stood about 6’3” but he seemed a lot taller. I remember thinking how tall dark and very handsome he looked. We all were there most of us couples a few singles. But I remember him asking me to dance and having to look up to see his face when he spoke to me. I seemed so short dancing with this tall dark haired handsome cowboy at heart. It was a great night. For the next 6 years we all remained friends and did a lot of cb outings together. I remember we had a cb camping trip even. Great friendships developed among some of us. Lasting friendships that you never forget most of those people have passed on I was sort of the baby in the group some just a few years older some old enough to be a parent and even a grandparent. A woman named Kathy and I became very close friends she was about 20 years older than I she was a good friend and like a mother figure to me. Then there was Lady Bird ( Birdie) she was old enough to be my grandmother but we grew very close. They both helped to watch over me in those years and were always there when I needed a close friend or mother or grandmother to talk to or just let me cry on their shoulders. We were like family and I’m so grateful for there friendships. I know It seems like I’m off the subject I began with but I Believe God placed them both in my life so that that day in 2003 while I was sitting alone in my rocker
and you were there with me and God allowed me to feel your grip your breath and hear your voice. I had them both to help me begin the next chapter in my life. That very night I ended the relationship I was in not that I hadn’t tried many times before but always gave in. This time was different I felt Stronger and more confident in myself again to move forward. I started attending church again. I felt you watching over me along with God to help give me strength and a new perspective on life. That everything would be ok in time. I didn’t give up talking on the cb it gave me a sense of security wether driving my car and sometimes getting lost I always knew all I had to do was key up and say anybody on the channel I’m lost and kind find my way home someone would always answer back and help me find my way. You know I didn’t have or still do not have any sense of direction. Or it could have been late at night when I couldn’t sleep and felt the need to here a familiar voice I could key up the radio next to my bed that was always on and say Good evening channel Angel on this side anybody still awake out there. Someone always came back to me how you doing tonight Angel somehow that buzzing radio and even the static and humming gave me a peace that someone was always there listening and would answer when I needed someone to talk to. The background noise I think helped me sleep. I know it made me feel safe and not alone. Then there was that late night like 1 AM and I couldn’t sleep I keyed up my mic this is Angel anyone else awake tonight and can’t sleep. I heard a key up and a friend’s voice Hi Angel Kingpin here I think we talked all night and ended up signing off at 5 AM when we both knew it was time to get ready for a working day. Those long evening cb talks became almost every night but somehow I never felt tired the next day. Then I think back to the night I heard a key up then silence for a second and then the music began song after song mostly songs about angels from all different artist and genres. No words were spoken but I knew who was on the other side of that radio. Over the next few weeks of talking late night or saying remember this song and taking turns playing music back and forth he asked if I wanted to go to yard-sales with him the next day. It was Saturday Memorial Day weekend 2004 I said sure. He picked me up early in the morning we first went to breakfast and then the sales began we had a blast that day. When he brought me home he asked if I wanted to go to the races with him at the Marne raceway. I accepted he later came back and picked me up and off we went to the races it was so fun. When he brought me home I asked if he would like to sit outback that we could make a fire and talk and listen to music. It was late into the night and he asked if he could go to church with me. I said of course you can. I walked out to the sidewalk with him and yes I received the best goodnight kiss ever. Morning came I anxiously got ready for church and not sure what else that day. We went to church he seemed to enjoy it very much he then asked me to breakfast we ate and talked and then he invited me to come over to his house for the day. So he dropped me off at home and I put on different clothes then headed over to his house for the afternoon. We took along walk around the property on the path through the woods. Just holding hands walking and talking. Then we went for a ride in the 79 trans am.
He also had a old cushman so I sat on the seat next to him and away we went bouncing around all over the place and then he taught me how to drive it we laughed and laughed at my clutch skills as I kept grinding the gears. He also asked If I would like to shoot at targets I never had shot a gun before or a riffle so he was teaching me the safety of it telling me how it might feel how to hold it so I wouldn’t hurt my shoulder from the kickback. We were having fun then he said let’s go back up to the garage he started up the big farm tractor and backed it out of the garage then he got down and said I’m going to help you climb up and you can sit on the fender so he helped boost me up showed me where to hold on and away we went my fist time ever on a tractor. Down through the backyard making our way to the path we had walked on earlier it was scary and fun all at the same time. When we got back into the yard he stopped shut off the engine. Took ahold of both my hands looked into my eyes and said Angel will you marry me. Wow it blew my mind this is the guy who had said for years and years I will never get married again. I was like in shock and said but you have always said never ever. His response that was before you I Love you with all my heart. I know I started to cry before I said I love you to and yes I’ll marry you. It was like a whirlwind the weeks after and someone else I had dated for awhile in later 2003 kept calling me telling me how much he loved me that he had made a mistake. I became very confused about things. I didn’t need anymore hurt or bad decisions or rushed ones in my life. I decided to go to Kingpin and tell him how I was feeling and I needed to find out if I was truly in love and not just lost from the what seemed to be a broken relationship with someone else. Who had been calling and calling and cried telling me how he made mistakes that wouldn’t ever happen again. How he loved me. I remember the look of pain on Pins face as I tried to explain it to him. I remember him taking both my hands in his looking into my eyes tears running down his face and him gently but firmly telling me He Loved me and he was going to let me go that he wouldn’t try and change my mind but that he would be still and wait for me for awhile but not forever. Days passed then weeks and then months. The longer the time of silence between us the more I used to turn on the cb and just listen in silence to hear his voice talking to someone else. My heart was hurting had I made a huge mistake in ending things when I did. I felt lost and alone I was missing him more and more every day that passed. Even though I was still in a relationship with someone else I started shutting myself off into the cb tv and stereo room listening to the cd Kingpin had made for me full of songs about Angels the first song was cowboys and Angels that was the cover he had printed off for the case. I would just sit in there listening to those songs with the hum of the cb in the background hoping to hear him. I knew who I loved but was it to late had to much time passed would he answer my call out for him on the radio or answer the phone If I called I was so afraid of knowing but the not knowing was devastating as I became more and more lonely. I finally sat down in front of the computer and started to write my feelings how much I knew I loved him how I longed to hear his voice see his smile. Feel the touch of his hand on my face. His whisper in my ear you wanna wrestle. I sat there looking at the send button on that e mail for a while and finally hit send. There was no taking it back . I didn’t know if he had moved on or still was waiting for me. Or even loved me anymore. The radio was still silent from his voice. I was staring at the computer waiting to see if he would write me back nothing I sat in that room tears running down my face thinking it’s to late and then the phone rang my heart about jumped out of my body was it him was he calling me to tell me he never wanted to here from me again. I had hurt him to badly. But I wouldn’t know unless I answered that call. He said Angel this is Pin I got your letter can we meet at the park. I anxiously said yes my heart was pounding. I met with him and we talked along time. Sitting there in his truck we both cried we held hands he said I never stopped loving you or giving up hope that you would know you had made a mistake that’s why I left you alone you needed to go through what you were going through without me trying to change your mind it had to be you and your own decision about what you wanted without pressure from me trying to make you feel sorry or guilty for me. It was his silence and patience that brought us back together. I know it was part of Gods plan I had left God a few times in my life but I know God has never for a moment left me even in His silence He was there holding me up and when I did fall He picked me back up and helped me put the broken pieces back together for another day. Days I felt I just couldn’t take anymore steps my legs and body just felt to heavy He carried me in His Loving gentle arms keeping me safe. God never gave up on me He always found forgiveness for my wrong doings He Loved me before I was even born He has cried many tears for me when I’m hurting. He has allowed me to make mistakes and decisions for myself. He sat back sometimes in silence waiting patiently for me. He has put family friends and people in my life to help with His plan for me and when I wasn’t listening for His guidance or direction in my life. Then He just for a moment in time sent you back to me. God knew I needed you He knew I would listen to you. He knew I needed help finding my way back to Him to feel His amazing grace and forgiveness once again. He knew I needed love and someone to Love. Through those many years of mistakes and many prayers that seemed to never be answered because what I was praying for wasn’t in His plans for my life. He put another lost child of His in my life Kingpin one that loved Him but also had drifted away from his Christian values he was brought up on and not living the way God intended for it to be. He brought me a good friend. A tall dark handsome cowboy. We were friends for so many years and fell in love. And when I left just like God he sat back with patience in silence and waited for me to come back home to him again.
We met each other in the park for a second time on Valentine’s Day in 2005. He gave me a beautiful ruby necklace and earrings that day. And we started making plans for our future and our wedding June 25 th 2025 It was such a wonderful day. I’m sure you were smiling down from heaven knowing I had made the right choice for my life. We had 20 years together before God called him home My Pin.
I am grateful for and thankful for all of Gods blessings in my life.for bringing you into my life for the 7 years we shared together.
You will forever be in my heart and memories My Andrew.
When I think back to that day God called my Pin Home I vision you standing next to God with a big smile on your face your arms wide open and telling him thank you for taking such good care of her and my family. You were good for her and she was good for you and I am grateful you found each other. A cowboy and an Angel.
I now have to 2 Angels in heaven watching over me. They will forever be in my heart. I am thankful and blessed they were a part of my life. I know I was truly Loved by them both.
Until we meet again
Love your Angel
Tamela Jean Haas,Wier, Gutt, Vryhof
Andrew Gutt
7-31-1994
Daniel Vryhof
2-5-2025
