02/02/2021
FOCUS ON MY GOALS, NOT MY SITUATION. FOR THE SITUATION IS TEMPORARY. WANT MORE THAN TO EXIST. STRIVE TO THRIVE AND MAKE PROGRESS DAILY. My motto. This I live by.
BLIND-STEP OF FAITH...
THOUGHTS OF CONEPT
BIRTH OF ITS BEGINNING ..this is an excerpt of personal thinking. ...
we do not have to accept what is given, issued, or commercially submitted. life is solving problems, everyday we wake up to more situations in need of solution and resolution, this is the birth root for my construction & building learned from trial, many errors, and standing firm on my belief systems. our homes, our haven, should be a place of peace, safety haven, our homes should make sense, in our own minds and our own way, and custom fit our needs so to remove friction from our daily lives and activities. many times one piece of creative construction can solve many more problems then the one promised solution guaranteed from pieces bought in store. Those store bought pieces gain their shelf recognition by addressing the needs of the masses. Suitable for many, many, people. Personal problem solving is much harder to create without the detailed individual and unique problems seeking resolve and determined creativity. this determination for calm from chaos and pride of thinking around and around and around and around obstacles thrown at me fueled learning beyond intent. All I wanted was to fix problems. 1st bed I built. I didnt even have a tape measure, using a hand saw, 4x4s, 2z4s, and 1x4s and hammer, in my mind, made perfect sense to me. I built a bed frame that solve 5 problems in one piece. Problem solved. More than one, I was hooked ever since. Sometimes I think that's all adulthood is. Solving one problem after another. I always had a unique way of thinking. Too stubborn to let go of ideas with ease. Aware I was Uneducated but hard headed enough to never quit.(I did attend 4 years university double major 127 credit Dean's list, who's who...u name it. Ran out of money never finished my degree) by uneducated i refer to mans land. All the knowledge a husband would emit. But as single mother...what I could or could not afford wasnt the determining factor of what got me interested in building and constructing my visions. It was the fact that as a single mother I found not only did "men" tend to take advantage with pricing and overcharge to their advantage, but also I was assumed to not have a clue. I say men bc all the ones I encountered were males. Then there were many times professionals would smile, shake my hand, claim to understand, pat my children on the head, take my hard earned money and do shady work. No shame in their game. I would pay for work that would prove to be substandard, and in some cases, unsafe. I would pay to be lied to, misused, and financially abused. All the while trying to maintain, get ahead, and provide a decent life for my two children. Thats how I learned electricity. After professionals carelessly risk the lives of my two beautiful babies and myself by only caring about money. Got paid good green american made money. Hard earned money, got paid bill money turned into emergency fund money, got paid grocery money and tooth fairy money and Easter bunny money only to create rather than solve the problem making more problems follow.,after years of frustration, disappointment, cussing and tears, I began to doubt that I was made strong enough to stand firm in my beliefs. And that the only promise guaranteed was a whole bunch of nothing. these professionals were able to do this because as woman and mother with no husband my comprehensive knowledge on these matters was that off a giraffe learning the ways of a turtle. One eats from trees one from dirt. Praise God, 3 times I specifically remember if I wouldn't happen to walk right there right then, my children and I would have burned up in our sleep. Unacceptable. I refused to accept this way of living and I refused to accept one more lie. So I began the process. At one point I can remember the kids Uncle Maurice , walking me through the process of what to do over the phone. Thanks to his understanding wife, I had to call him because there was smoke coming out an unoccupied wall socket. So learning began. Of course ive been shocked a few times...makes u want to jump back and fight somebody. But to accept less than minimum standards or safety requirements in my home would make me less than a woman, and even less of a mother. And motherhood was bout the only thing I was good at, information I gained from those who saw the reflection of me in my children. Best compliment of life! It wasnt fair to me or my babies. My only other option was to get a husband. Funny truth but I held out and held on sacrificing so much faithfully. Figured if a man wasnt ordained by God and predestined and God premade just for me then it was a waste. With 2 kids and no degree or career or lottery winnings, I didnt have any time, money, energy, effort, patience, or understanding to waste. I was already late building a solid foundation for my children. My main goal was to build a foundation that was not made of sand. A foundation that couldnt be ripped from under their feet. Depending on God..learning from Him and trusting Him enough to let go of human. Tendencies, walking blind, I learned more than I could have ever imagined. I learned how to stand firm. On my own two feet. blessing and a curse, I learned to depend on man would lead to disappointment. I learned that if I wanted heaven right here on earth then I had to earn it. So I made the first step. Regardless of training, regardless of finances, no matter how crazy folks thought me to be, I had to at least try to solve some problems. Yeah I know God had it figured out already but I felt it somewhat disrespectful to just wait on God. I couldnt sit back and be lazy knowing God got my back. Not how it would go for me
Not at all. No more seconds to wait on others to become acceptable. No tools. No knowledge. No guidance. NO clue how hard the to roads will be or how many times I would be a failure. But what I did know is that right is right just as wrong is wrong and my wrong couldn't be no worse than the men I paid and had to come behind, right in the knick of time to save us from a house fire . I figured if I had to go behind a man who worked in my home then I should never let them come inside in the first place. I learned that in this place of hurt hands and backaches and mistakes that take every ounce of my physical strength, was a precious place for my creativity to become mind, body, living, and breathing being! my creative spirit finally free from captivity. I liked the opportunity, liked the risks, loved the results! Surprised myself at times. Impressed. And many times disappointed. But I have donkeys ass determination. Excuse my word use although accurate. Being hard headed is what saw me thru. Saw me thru to a safer place for me and my babies saw me thru to express my uniquecreative spirit. Saw me thru to a side of life should have a little bit of fun to it. Donkeys ass determination is what did it when there were no other skills or qualities to keep me standing. Being hard headed kept me on my feet sure enough. I should write a book one day. An ancient Chinese curse says, may your life be interesting.and boy oh boy mine has been unbelievable. I regret not documenting all of my transformations with photos, because yall just might not believe me. The best teacher of all was doing things completely wrong. Sometimes 2 or 3 times wrong before I figured out a right, my right, my right may be completely wrong by definition or procedure but my right works for me. No power tools back then either, my hands used swell up like tiger paws. One by one sometimes two by two, problem solving.problem solving tiger paws. Once, my baby girl says to me....," Ma, now u know u can tear this house up real good when u be working. Danger zone in here but guess what? U tear it up real good ma but then it keeps getting better and Better and BETTER!" Inspiration in a nutshell. And i will stop right there. Save for next excerpt of my minds journaling. .....
To us we are rich, blessings just overflowing, millionaires in our world. Yet the beautiful bliss I describe has absolutely nothing to do with money. I've been told I live in a bubble. Yep! It's a world i created just for us! Now....I'm brave enough to share it with u.
