02/03/2023
Anonymous Rough s*x:
Yesterday, soma the strangers in this vid & I small talked about the benefits of my celibacy journey. He asked what I learned. I replied back that I actually donāt like pain.
Back in my relationship days, I had Endometriosis. Resulting in me hymeraging over 30 days at a time. This dis-ease repps an under stimulated root chakra, reflective of my relationship w/my Mom. The resentment I held for being āher lil helperā concluded in me feelin used, exhausted & resentful af! Idk bout yāall, but I donāt enjoy beefin w/my Mom. I also aināt the type 2 follow s**t I donāt believe in, resulting in us arguing often af. I neva wanted 2 argue, but I always felt like arguing (or defending my perspective). So, I began craving & taking part in aggressive realities. Especially & including talkin s**t about the whole thing in my relationships, during pillow talk.
Talkin helped me feel heard. Accepting the warm psyical embrace of men helped me feel craved. Rough s*x helped me channel the s**t I refused to say. I found myself craving the pain of aggressive s*x cuz I wanted some1 thatI loved to punish me...
The more somebody beat my cat up, the more satisfied I was (she rode that š like a soilder)... The issue was, I was agreeing to abuse & low Iey hatibg my abuser. Concluding in me really not liking/trusting ppl like that. So the more I hung around w/dudes (that reminded me of my Mom), the more I wanted them 2 beat my š¼up. The more they beat my š¼ up, the more wanted to fight them (& fuq them up). Even tho I can be quite the warrior, I neva enjoyed exchanging aggression.
Eventually, I realized exercise was a healthy replacement 4 all this.Which is y I began exercising so aggressivly, so young.
So yea... being celibate helps me face, make peace with & transmute my own selfhate . N twerkin is my tool of choice ...āļø (Lilithās truth)
