06/05/2026
๐บ [Trumpets blare. A herald steps forth, unfurling an absurdly long scroll.]
"Hear ye! Hear ye! Gather 'round, noble lords, ladies, hobby goblins, and that one guy who swore he was 'just looking' but somehow left with three armies!"
"From the grim darkness of the far future cometh WARHAMMER 40,000: ARMAGEDDON!"
"Aye, the drums of war thunder! The skies burn! The Orks are angry! Which, admittedly, narrows it down to every day ending in 'Y.'"
"Behold mighty Space Marines clad in glorious armor! Witness titanic battles! Marvel at explosions so excessive that even the laws of physics have submitted a formal complaint!"
"Will humanity prevail? Will the Orks loot everything not nailed down? Will your wallet survive? The answer to at least one of those questions is 'probably not.'"
"So ready thy dice! Assemble thy armies! And prepare thyself for a conflict of legendary proportions!"
"ARMAGEDDON APPROACHETH!"
"And unlike your pile of shame, this box is actually seeing the battlefield."
๐บ [Trumpets intensify. Distant chainsword noises. Someone yells 'WAAAGH!' off-camera.]
"Available now at thy Local Game Store. Glory awaits! Plastic crack awaits! Regret... also awaits!"