09/20/2026
WE’RE HIRING.
We’re looking for one or two part-time humans to join us. Someone who is super outgoing and social.
This would probably be perfect for a local college student, but there’s no age requirement other than 18+.
Why 18+?
Because some of our merchandise has swear words and b***s on it, and we simply do not have the administrative bandwidth to argue with someone’s extremist mommy and daddy about how their wholesome 17-year-old just somehow recently allegedly learned the F-word at work.
Or now knows what a b**b is…despite personally having them.
And sometimes we forget the concept of “bad words” bc they’re literally just words we use a lot.
The important stuff:
You need weekend availability.
You need to be comfortable with social media…making TikToks and Reels, coming up with ideas, and being in them. This is so important.
You need to be on time.
And most importantly, you have to actually like talking to people.
Not “I can say hi if someone approaches me.”
Actually talk to them, greet them, converse.
Because Linda is going to tell you about her hip replacement, her daughter-in-law, and a casserole recipe you did not ask for.
Neil is shopping for his anniversary. He has been married for 20 years and somehow cannot tell you his wife’s favorite color, what size she wears, or one single thing she enjoys.
Bill is upset because our sidewalk sign made fun of dudes who obnoxiously rev their trucks, and for reasons only Bill and God understand, he has taken this very personally.
Carol would like you to come to Bible study.
Someone will tell you something so wildly personal that you’ll spend the rest of your shift wondering why you were chosen to receive this information. People say s**t you couldn’t waterboard out of me.
That’s one of the best parts of the job. Some interactions are weird. Most are funny. And 99% of the people who walk through our doors are genuinely lovely, interesting humans. We have the BEST customers. They bring their dogs, tell us their stories, make us laugh, and make working retail significantly less terrible.
So yes, you need to be a social butterfly…and probably not afraid of dogs because we have treats and the neighborhood dogs have caught on. We are a side quest on their outings.
And cats—they find us.
You’ll also need to ring people out, count money, restock, move boxes, clean things, learn products, help people find gifts, and handle the assorted nonsense that comes with working in a small retail shop.
You really need to investigate our socials to determine if this is a fit for you. It’s product, community, animals in need, humor, and sometimes trolling.
This is an entry-level position, so retail experience isn’t required. Customer service experience is definitely a plus.
And finally, you cannot be racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist, or any of the other exciting varieties of bigot.
We just don’t agree with your lifestyle.
We hope you eventually learn, grow, and do better, but it doesn’t work for us.
If you read this far and are not scared, email us at [email protected] and put “part-time” in the subject field.
If you have a resume or whatever, great. Half of them are ai-generated bulls**t, so you can alternatively tell us about yourself and experience.
Send your socials if you want. A tok you made. Share an unhinged family story or something funny.
We need to see if you’re a fit.
