08/06/2026
🌼🌼 Character Intro! 🌼🌼
Everyone, meet Wallace!
Wallace: The Badger Who Thinks He’s Big Time
Wallace doesn’t walk — he struts. Everywhere. Even across the crosswalk to the Dollar General, he’s got his Beats headphones on, hoodie up, and an unlit blunt tucked behind one ear like it’s a badge of honor.
He’s got that white boy wannabe baller energy — you know the type. Always calling people “bro,” never quite on beat, and constantly posting selfies captioned “ .”
His rap name is Lil’ Clawz, and he performs at Clarice’s trailer park on weekends, usually to an audience of her kids and a raccoon that might be judging him.
Wallace sells “custom drip” out of his trunk — mostly knockoff gold chains, bedazzled Crocs, and hoodies that say things like “BADGER LIFE 4EVER.” He’s also tried to start a record label three times, each time with a new, worse name:
Burrow Records (folded after 2 weeks), Hollow Money Entertainment (lasted a month), and Get Clawed Up Productions, which still technically exists, but only as an Instagram page with 37 followers and one post that says, “Mixtape soon.”
He drives a beat-up Honda Civic with neon lights underneath and a cracked subwoofer that makes every song sound like it’s being played through a blender. The license plate reads “W1LDL1FE.”
Wallace desperately wants to be seen as dangerous and cool, but everyone in town knows he’s just a sweetheart with too much cologne and not enough sense. He once challenged Cornelius the rodeo clown to a “rap battle for dominance” and lost when Cornelius just honked his red nose twice and walked away.
Still, he’s oddly beloved. Milton thinks he’s “so cool.” Phyllis calls him “that delusional cutie.” Randall sometimes uses him as a distraction when the cops show up. Even Black Phillip tolerates him — barely — as long as he doesn’t freestyle during rituals again.
Wallace believes one day he’ll “make it out the Hollow,” though no one’s quite sure where to. Until then, he’s the town’s walking soundtrack: loud, offbeat, but undeniably full of chaotic heart.
His motto (tattooed in shaky script on his forearm):
“Stay humble, stack hay, get paid.”