09/07/2026
Happy Monday and Happy Labor Day, you adorable totes of good will and kind gestures, you! How's everyone doing out there after the first full weekend of college football? Clemson fans, you okay? Should we send someone over to do a wellness check? Saturday had to be rough for you guys, but just know that we still love you. How much is Dabo's contract worth again?
Anyways, so we're closed today in observance of Labor Day. That made it a perfect opportunity to renew the peace treaty established after last season's devastating collegiate football gnome war. Most of the gnomes are SEC, but we do have some ACC schools represented....oh, and Ohio State(their fans would bug us to death if we didn't).
So everybody is gathered in the tailgating section, and most everyone is peaceful and still buzzing from a big win on Saturday...except for the poor Clemson gnomes who are drunk for other reasons.
When up wanders this guy during reading of the peace proclamation with a basketball under his arm screaming "Go to * #$@ Duke!" The SC gnome, the Bama gnome, and the UGA gnome looked at him like he had lobsters crawling out of his ears. But the Auburn gnome for some unknown reason saw red(maybe he's got some family that went to Duke...who knows?) and slapped the basketball down one of the wind chime aisles before beginning to pummel the poor UNC gnome.
Welp, the FSU and Miami gnomes felt a sense of ACC loyalty(Clemson was too sad to care) and came to the Tarheel gnome's defense, causing all the SEC gnomes to join the fray and just like that...the Great Collegiate Gnome War has reignited for another year.
We're gonna spend half the morning tomorrow picking up the mess.
*shakes head*
We'll see y'all down to the store.