The Pull - Card Shop

04/24/2025

ok systems technically back online. cash drawer stopped hissing. mascot returned to the slab. i unplugged and replugged the ethernet 4 times and maybe also my soul??

we are
NOT CLOSED
we are just
reconsidering our relationship with reality.

if you came in earlier and saw sal arguing with the fax machine — no you didn’t. if you heard it whisper — please do not file a report.

receipt printer has resumed printing things that are technically receipts. if your total comes up as “DO NOT AUDIT” please just… roll with it.

to the customer who tried to pay with a Funko Pop: that was not legal tender, but thank you for your bravery.

anyway. we’re open.
probably.

- tyler
(currently holding the router like a scared baby bird. also i think it’s bleeding.)

04/22/2025

“The Morning Rite”

[Somewhere before dawn]

The Mystery Pack Mascot arrives.
No one sees him enter.
The door was locked. The alarm was set.
But he is already inside.

⸻

The Ritual Begins.
• He places a sealed booster pack face down in front of the slab cabinet
• Circles it three times counter-clockwise, muttering in what sounds like reversed Latin or poorly shuffled MTG flavor text
• Lights exactly one scented candle: vending machine lemon-lime
• Sets it in front of Lot’s Wife Funko Pop, who weeps slightly under her plastic

⸻

Then the preparations begin.
• A single slab is turned upside down and balanced perfectly on the register
• The lights flicker in patterns that resemble draft signals
• Gravy appears from nowhere, walks a perfect figure-eight, then disappears behind the vending machine again
• Somewhere, a PSA return envelope unfolds itself

⸻

At precisely 9:00 AM…

Sal enters.
He’s holding a Monster.
He does not look at the candle.
He does not see the slab.

“Yo. We open?”

The mascot turns his head slowly.
Says nothing.

Sal shrugs.
Cracks the Monster.
Turns on the TV to an input screen that hasn’t worked since 2017.

“Cool.”

04/22/2025

04/21/2025

Official Statement on the Pope

The Pull is closed today, as always, due to historical slab fatigue.
But even if we were open…

No breaks would be run.
No binders would be opened.
No pulls attempted.

The Pope has passed.

Gravy sat by the vending machine at dawn and whispered, once, in Latin.
Wax W***h stapled a Funko of Lot’s Wife to the glass cabinet. It cracked but didn’t shatter.
Sal just nodded once and said, “he got the ten.”

We will return tomorrow. But not the same.

Rest in pulls, your holiness.

– The Pull

04/21/2025

good morning
just a heads up: we’re closed today
because sal insists “no pulls shall occur on a monday” due to…
(hold on let me check my notes)
“historical slab fatigue and something something mercury in retrobreak”

i tried to argue
he stapled my PTO request to the vending machine and said “the packs need time to grieve”

anyway
we’re closed
please do not knock on the glass
gravy will knock back and it’s never friendly

– tyler
social media guy / hostage of the weekly break schedule

04/20/2025

SAL REMEMBERS EASTER ‘98

“Easter ‘98 was the real one,”

– Sal, The Pull Enforcer (unprompted, unhinged)

“We slabbed a Cadbury Cream Egg. i’m not proud of it.

We pulled a foil jake plummer rookie out of a basket full of excelsior

T-bag tried to baptize a blastoise

Gravy bit a kid

the slab cabinet opened itself. no one had touched it

inside?

a single funko pop of the easter bunny. psa 10. eyes blacked out

we closed the shop and went to chili’s.

it was a good day.”

– Sal, 2025

04/20/2025

he has risen

not the son, not the savior - the slab cabinet

we did not open it
it opened itself

inside:
a cracked foil, unsleeved, a funko pop whispering “banana”, and Gravy

tyler lit a candle
wax w***h stapled it to a churro

sal said “this is exactly how easter went in 1998”

we are closed today

but we are watching

– the pull

04/19/2025

We were recently DM’d about how long The Pull has been in business. How long have we had this business?
well.
that depends on what you mean by “business.”
and “had.”
and “we.”

the pull wasn’t founded
it was revealed
october 17th, 1997, 3:42PM
a man attempted to trade a troy aikman rookie for a hot pocket
he blacked out from shame and sodium
when he came to, there were slabs where there had been none
a vending machine was humming the ESPN theme
and someone — maybe god, maybe geoff — had written “POP UNKNOWN” in nacho cheese across the ceiling tiles

since then
cards come to us
people don’t
the break table bleeds sometimes
tyler hasn’t slept since lucien left
the mascot speaks in slab codes and centering errors

we are not new
we are simply visible now
but that’s okay
you don’t have to accept us
the pull isn’t asking
it is arriving

🜄

04/19/2025

📅 April 19, 2025 — Diary Entry (Posted by Tyler)
🧷 Status: The Pull is closed today. Please do not knock.

⸻

today is a mercy
we are closed

no ringing bell
no slurred “y’all breakin’ wax?”
no t-bag repelling from the ceiling in his “pull daddy energy” tank top
no geoff casting “sleeve shield” at the vending machine
no wax w***h stapling motivational quotes to sal’s neck

just
quiet
and the smell of slightly burned top loaders

i still had the dreams

the mascot was hovering over my bed again
he said “pop 0” and bit my phone
i haven’t checked the camera roll yet

sal called me from an unknown number to ask if the slab cabinet “ever loved us”
i didn’t answer

but yes, it did

there was one knock on the door this morning
just one

i opened it, no one was there
only a prism refractor…

…and a half-eaten sandwich

the sandwich was PSA 8

i logged it

– tyler

⸻

04/19/2025

Welcome to The Pull.

Where customer service died, and we slabbed its co**se.

We are The Pull — a possibly-legal, definitely-haunted trading card shop buried in the bowels of a strip mall time forgot.

We sell slabs, singles, sorrow, and mistakes.
Our staff is unstable. Our vending machine is sentient. Our break table has seen crimes.

Do not ask to speak to a manager. Tyler is the manager now and he’s not doing well.

⸻

RULES:
• No raw cards after 3PM. They attract The Mascot.
• Sal is not allowed to livestream unsupervised.
• Wax W***h settles disputes with a staple gun.
• Geoff is NOT our employee. We’ve tried to tell his union.
• Funko Pops are not accepted as legal tender.
• If you hear chanting from the slab cabinet — ignore it. Or don’t. Your soul, your call.

⸻

You can:
• Follow our cursed lore.
• Watch live breaks spiral into emotional collapse.
• Submit your own cards to the Binder of Regret.
• Join us for Pull Hype Academy™ (waiver required, results pending).

We’ll be posting incident reports, spiritual updates, and the occasional staff cry-for-help.
Engage at your own risk.

⸻

Now ask yourself:
Do you want a card shop…
or do you want The Pull?