08/31/2025
Ten years ago today, I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer. At the time, I was focused on all the physical impacts to come over the next year - losing my hair, losing my breasts, the visible scars that would remain.
At my first , I held a celebration of survival, but I was just starting to recognize life couldn’t go back to “normal” because I was no longer the same person… and then I had the recurrence.
Just when I was starting to put the pieces of myself back together, cancer shattered me all over again. Sometimes I feel like a “bad survivor” because I still carry so much anxiety and trauma from it all rather than just relishing in this post-cancer bonus life. Why am I not more grateful every single second?!
A decade in and I’m still learning to live with the dualities:
- Being the lucky survivor of an unlucky diagnosis
- The feelings of weakness that come after being so strong
- Bad days are still part of a good life
- Hope is what keeps us going but it can also be a very hard thing to live with
- Trying not to let grief of the past and worry of the future take away from the joy of the present
The summer I turned 40 has been one of healing, and I’m actually really looking forward to what’s next 💗
📷:
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