06/19/2026
Y’uns need to quit coming in here asking questions about the alien. He’s been here. Matter of fact, he comes in every two weeks on a Wednesday to get his geekbar and flirt with Kaytlin.
Ain’t caused a bit of trouble… well not since the incident.
Now, we wasn’t on shift personally, but from what we understand, the little green feller got ahold of three Fireball shooters, tried to fight a can-am side-by-side in the parking lot, and told a state trooper he was “from over past Paintsville.”
Which right there is a lie because everybody knows there ain’t nothin over past Paintsville but trees and copperheads.
Anyway, that little green feller, he settled down. Got hisself a job over at the Dollar General. Lost the job because he kept trying to vaporize the self checkout when things wasn’t a dollar… that’s just ethics. Owes eighty dollars to a woman named Tammy… we can guess which one.
He’s just a regular guy. If you see him by the v**e display, do not look him in his third eye, he’s going through a divorce. Just like everybody else in this town. Leave the man be, he’s stressed.
