01/15/2026
Desire… it is a beautiful word until you actually taste it. Sometimes it is honey, sometimes it is cardboard, and sometimes it is a feeling of "who even ordered this." In reality, desire has only two functions. It either lifts you off the couch, or it provides a beautiful explanation for why you are still lying on it. Everything else is just verbal cosmetics.
It does not live in your head. Its office is in the head, filled with plans, deadlines, "shoulds," and endless meetings with the inner management. But the desire itself sits between the chest and the stomach, silently waiting for you to stop talking to it like a subordinate. Otherwise, it methodically turns every "order" of yours into a small stone, building whatever it feels like, for some, it is stones in the gallbladder, for others, it is a heavy weight in the chest.
A true desire is felt by the body. It is not about ecstasy or panic, but a sense of direction. It is like a tiny pull to one side. Your breathing becomes steadier, your shoulders drop, and a quiet "well, yes" appears inside. No hysterics, no presentations, and no evidence needed for the board of directors.
As for sabotage, it simply suffers from bad PR. Since childhood, we have been told that if you fail, you are lazy, and if it is hard, you are not trying enough. We are taught that if the body slows down, we must add discipline and push harder. When the body hits the brakes, we do not listen, but instead, we start "educating" it. We call it names, we pressure it, and we waste our energy on an internal scandal rather than on movement. Yet in that moment, the body is simply saying that it will not go there, even if you scream very convincingly.
Of course, you can force it. You can pay with your time, nerves, and health. You can drag yourself to the goal by force. The question is not whether it is possible, but what exactly you are paying for it and whether it was even your desire to begin with. If a desire is truly yours, the body begins to cooperate calmly and without drama. Energy appears for the steps themselves, not for self-persuasion. If it is not yours, every step causes internal swearing even before you begin. This is not fear or weakness, it is a navigator refusing to lead you through a swamp, even if you have already bought the rubber boots.
Then there is the matter of speed. A real desire does not scream "faster." It does not panic, and it can withstand a pause. Sabotage often hides behind fuss and urgency, telling you that just a little more effort will surely make it work. The body meanwhile feels either twitchy or heavy like cotton.
Neither of these is about life, it is just running in circles with the slogan "I will pull myself together, honestly."
So the question is not about discipline or defeating laziness. It is about where in the body this desire lives, and if it lives there at all. Is there warmth? Is there breath? Or is there only tension and a "must-do" list? The body always knows first, it just does not know how to give lectures.
I want to suggest two simple practices.
The first works well when you have a choice, like whether to go or not, or whether to turn right or left.
Sit quietly, drop your awareness into your stomach, and breathe calmly. Hold both hands out like scales, elbows bent, with your palms facing up. In one hand, place the version of you that has realized desire "A." In the other, place the version of you with desire "B." By "having it," I mean not thinking about it, but actually being in the state of its realization.
The second practice is a bit more intense. Stand facing a wall, almost touching it, and keep your eyes open. Press both palms firmly against the wall at chest level. In a very clear whisper, state your desire in the present tense, such as "I own a company with this turnover" or "I live in my beautiful home." Feel every sensation clearly. After that, you will understand what to do next. I can tell you that for sure.
