07/04/2026
🚨🏛️ OFFICIAL PUBLIC HEALTH ANNOUNCEMENT 🏛️🚨
From your friends at Bucket List Fireworks
There is a reason why there are warning labels that most people with a little common sense would say “No s**t, and there are others that scream “Hold my beer and watch this”
Good morning, Bucket List Fireworks customers .
Every Independence Day, Police Department, Fire Department, and EMS ask for one simple thing:
Please don’t become the reason dispatch has to invent a brand-new incident code.
Unfortunately, according to reports from another jurisdiction, one 17-year-old apparently gathered his friends behind a Chinese restaurant and proudly announced:
“Y’all watch this…”
As history has repeatedly shown, those three words have never once led to a Nobel Prize.
Witnesses say the teenager allegedly claimed he had watched “at least six YouTube videos” and was now a “certified fireworks expert.”
His friends reportedly questioned the plan.
His girlfriend reportedly left.
One guy allegedly suggested maybe using a watermelon instead.
But confidence outweighed common sense.
The young man allegedly placed a firecracker where absolutely no firecracker has any business being placed, announced he had “everything under control,” struck a lighter…
…and immediately discovered that explosives have a very strict no-refund policy.
Within seconds, chaos erupted.
One friend screamed.
Another friend fainted.
Someone dropped their sweet tea.
One individual reportedly yelled, “Call 911!”
Another yelled, “DON’T TELL MY MOM I WAS HERE!”
Another shouted “Bless his heart”
Meanwhile, dispatch received one of the most unforgettable emergency calls imaginable.
“Uh… we have… um… pieces of… well… there’s pieces everywhere… outside the Chinese restaurant.”
Dispatchers everywhere collectively questioned every career decision that had led them to that exact moment.
Police officers responded wondering what they were about to find.
Firefighters responded hoping it was a prank.
EMS responded wishing they had taken vacation that week.
The patient, despite suffering what can only be described as the fastest lesson in anatomy and physics ever recorded, reportedly managed to stumble inside the restaurant looking for help.
The cashier’s only reported response was:
“Sir… you can’t bring that in here.”
Needless to say, dinner service was temporarily interrupted.
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🚨 Bucket List Fireworks would like to remind everyone:
If your fireworks plan requires:
* A countdown…
* A dare…
* Someone saying “Trust me…”
* Removing articles of clothing…
* Or explaining to your doctor, “It seemed like a good idea…”
…it’s probably time to reconsider.
⸻
Please remember:
✅ Fireworks go in launch tubes.
❌ Fireworks do NOT go in your clothing.
❌ They do NOT go in your pockets.
❌ They do NOT go in any body cavity.
❌ And if your buddy says, “It’ll make an awesome TikTok,” that’s your sign to walk away.
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This Fourth of July:
Be the person who leaves with all ten fingers.
Both eyebrows.
Your dignity.
And every factory-installed body part still exactly where it belongs.
Because while first responders are highly trained professionals…
…absolutely none of them want to hear dispatch announce:
“Medic 1, Engine 2, Police… respond for an explosive anatomy incident. Caller advises there are… pieces… everywhere.”
Happy Independence Day, from your friends at Bucket List Fireworks .
Please celebrate responsibly.
