Someone once told me, “Sometimes you must walk through the darkness, to get to the light.” After over four years of utter darkness in the beginning of my injury, and the last four years spent 100% focussed on my healing journey, my passion, Beads of Change, is allowing my inner spirit to shine, once again. Due to the multiple fractures combined with extensive ligament, nerve and tissue damage, I
haven’t been able to sit down since. The nineteen months that followed were some of the most emotionally and physically challenging times of my life, filled with some of the lowest and darkest moments I had ever experienced. Being handcuffed to a state-run insurance company to dictate my well-being left me literally shattered and broken. Exhaustion, depression and chronic pain were the descriptors of my world. Once a vibrant, glowing young thirty-three year old, my light was now dimmed, my spirit only shining in the pictures of my past. Unable to drive, I had been confined to my home, incapable of accessing the outside world on my own. Over the last few years, I've regained some of that mobility, but I continue to require assistance. I live with a debilitating fear of ever regaining a sense of purpose in this world. Once an avid runner, my daily form of exercise now consisted of pacing a worn out trail into my hardwood floor. Everyday, with my husband now forced to work two jobs, my value to this life diminished. Other than the companionship of my two beautiful dogs, I was alone, so desperately alone. Life consisted of Loss: Loss of “friends”, loss of freedom, loss of stability, loss of Self. And then, on September 22, 2009, ironically the first day of “FALL”, I made my first beaded ring – and the first pinhole of light began to shine through my darkness. Like a spark, each ring I made lit a new fire in my heart. I began to have a purpose again, and felt as though I had some reason to walk in this world again. I actually felt, dare I say, a Passion, to not only live, but to create something of value, to contribute something of beauty. Yes, I still can not sit, I still live with chronic pain, and I continue to struggle daily with my injury and all that it has taken from me. But like light on a crystal, my world is now filled with a little more color.
**Since this story was written, much has changed. They've evolved. They've shifted. I've learned how to live life differently. The last several years have been dedicated to healing, or to at least be doing everything I can to take the steps toward healing. Those of you who have been a part of this journey have witnessed all of the ups and downs, all of the ins and outs of finding practitioners, trying new treatments, pain flares, coming off of pain medication... All of it has been challenging. But, all of it has also been such a gift. I've learned so much about what I am capable of. I've learned to follow my gut and my heart. I know what my body needs. All I need to do is listen. I've learned how to listen. I took time off from making jewelry. We moved to a beautiful new land to surround ourselves with healing energy. We've done that and now I have found myself returning to this passion and just the right time and I didn't even know it. Don't you just love when that happens? I'm still on my journey. But, I'm so much further along. Still unable to drive and sit for any real amount of time, I struggle with those challenges. I've learned how to work with them and to live my happy life, despite them. I don't let them define me. I continue to have the most insanely amazing love and support around me that fuels all that I do. Different than before, but still Alli. Please take a look. Stay awhile. To be able to fashion a piece of jewelry which others can wear allows me to feel connected to the world again, connected to my Self again. Love, Hope, and Appreciation of Life is hand-crafted into every piece, and my wish is that by wearing it, you too will be able to smile.
