07/10/2020
So here's the path of this journey.... With speed bump.
So.... Dr visit this past week... Annual check up (big girl check up in September…... flight risk... Another post)
I go see Dr. Raj for blood work, meds check, and my handy dandy phone with Google Docs....with my list of "to discuss".
Routine is the same.... Check in, get called back, and there it was.
It looked large and in the middle of that hallway with my anxiety mounting quickly. My love/hate relationship with a chunk of metal, a weight scale, stood there seemingly to mock me. My steps slow and the kind & caring nurse, patiently waited for me to catch up. With shoes off, I step up, wondering will I be hatin'/ cryin' or shoutin' with joy.
Well........ not only did I shout, but I did a happy dance in the hallway!!! That beautuful nurse said "looks like you've LOST MORE WEIGHT!!!!!
I wanted to hug her but I think I'd already scared her with my, (and you guys know me), exclamation of "OH YEAH" and the quick little happy dance! I didn't even ask for the number. I floated into Room 3 across the hall.
Speed Bump ahead....
Nurse does her thing, questions, BP ....119/75, family history and a few words of encouragement before taking her leave of men and saying that Dr Raj would be with me soon.
Dr. Raj comes in, smiling as always but that morning, his smile seemed a little brighter or maybe it was just that I did the happy dance and was still up on the proverbial Cloud 9.
After the "hi's"and "how are you'd", Dr Raj flips his laptop around and there's that weight chart. But that was ok. I was expecting good news...3 lbs, 5 lbs lost....it was even better....I was just a little above the 💯 pound mark!!!!
Folks, my FRIENDS, my cheerleaders, my encouragers, my family..... I've LOST 100 lbs....even being confined, I still lost. I went into that appointment telling myself...."Self" I said, "we WILL be happy if we just maintained, no weight gain!" No crying, ( besides, I'd already cried HAPPY TEARS)!
Dr Raj was smiling and I was smiling! Best feeling EVER!!!
I want to say right here. "The thing I like the most about going to see the staff at Dr Raj's office is how I'm treated." From the front desk/check in staff to the medical staff, I am treated so nicely. They are kind and considerate. I don't ever feel rushed by Dr Raj. He takes as much time as needed to discuss my concerns.
So as my appointment winds down, Doc remembered that I have my questions listed on my phone.
We went through 9 of the 10 things I'd written down. #10 was the biggie!!!
I asked about having surgery to fix some areas I was not happy with. The inner tube around my lower stomach and yes "the girl".
Questions like:
Is breast reconstruction a likely hood?
How about the inner tube fat roll, can if be fixed.
Do you think insurance will help me get this done?
I've spent a lot of time thinking, researching and reading about both surgeries.
Doc was so positive! He said that he wondered if I would ask today and that my question, my desire to look better were reasonable and he'd try to help. So, he explained a little about both procedures. I told him about the plastic surgeon I follow on Facebook. They don't deal with insurance so he's was out. This office gave me the name of another doctor. Doc looked up this person as well as a person he recommended.
Gave me info on both and my visit was almost over.
I want to say here....I want you all to understand....
I don't feel like I'm a vain person....
I know what I look like. I will never be super model thin or have that kind of beauty. The feeling of never being enuff, of not fitting in began a long time ago in the 6th grade when a person wrote in my old Northport annual that I was nice and cute but "you are fat".
I'm Kim.... Cute, but much more cuter with a tan. I have grey hair, wrinkles, or character lines, if you will. I am healthier than I've been in a long time (11 years).
**The inner tube around my lower stomach has been with me since my I gave birth to my son 30 years ago. It never goes away. If I'm not careful, there can be skin health issues.
**As far as "the girls", same thing, skin health issues, upper back pain, and shoulder pain caused from straps that carry the weight of the excess skin is a huge issue.
** Self confidence, self esteem.... Nuff said.
Next day after doc appointment: Speed bump!
A phone call wakes me up at 8:30 from Dr Raj's office. The person tells me good news... insurance will help pay to have the procedure(s) done.........and then, the bad news ..... Even though I've lost 100 lbs, insurance says my BMI is still too high.
DISAPPOINTED: Such an accomplishment and I still haven't lost enuff.
I won't give up. I've traveled way too far to give up and accept status quo. I will continue to be healthier and feel better about myself.
I do have a confession. Today was NOT a good day. Cravings for the foods I gave up completely kept snaking me in the face, hitting me hard. Ended up doing the one thing I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO DO! I simply did not eat all day. I finally sat down to eat supper....at 8:00....I rarely ever do that anymore.
But today is another day.
1.I will do better.
2. I will do better.
3. I WILL do better!!
4. Left foot, right foot....breathe
Repeat.
5. Those words in that annual will not mock me any more. They will become another reason I will be successful.
Anyone that takes the time to read this post:
1. Thank you for letting me share my footsteps >baby steps< with you.
2. Prayers are appreciated.
3. Please keep cheering me on. Your support helps me Everytime I read a post.
4. If you are walking this same journey, I hope I can be just a bit of inspiration to you.
Please laugh with me at the typos. I'm sure there's many. It's only 5:06 am. I was awake at 8:30 am yesterday. So I am sleep deprived and that = to having the sleep sillies.
