A 28 Year-old thumb-sucker

20/07/2023

Marriage and sucking my thumb

I cannot imagine doing laundry with my hands. I am almost always on a diet. It doesn't work, but I am on a diet and I eat leaves and prawns. I speak English, A Lot.

I got married to a Xhosa man from Mthatha. One might say this was a bad idea but I can explain...

My husband and my immediate in-laws understand me. Really well. My mom-in-law is one of my favourite people on Earth. I'm mostly on the phone talking to her and I tell her everything. I'd even say she is my best friend. I pierced my nose after I got married and my mom-in-law defended me from those who had something to say. She said:"We all enter nowhere. If you're fine with it and your husband is fine with it. Then, we must all be fine with it". For me, marriage is like extreme mjolo. I thank God.

The anxiety comes when I have to be makoti elsewhere. Such as going to imigidi in the villages. I feel so much pressure to look a certain way, to act a certain way. In fact to be on top of my game when I can hardly clean amathumbu. Remember I get anxiety from being invited to an event where I basically just have to come and chill so how much more when I have to be makoti.

I forget easily so if I'm moving around and a respected man in the village asks me to bring a spoon, I might forget. When he reminds me, I might say "OMG".

I also get told to hang around other makotis more so that I can learn to be a proper makoti. I am a proper makoti. I have zero desire to be like others. Waking up early, being the last to go to bed. I'm not about that life.

I still get asked asked why I am keeping my surname and how could my husband allow it. I could never carry a baby, feed another one, cook and clean at the same time. I can do one at a time.

I definitely have to "suck my thumb" sometimes because being a makoti can be a job and a half. Being a makoti can make me really anxious. There's too many expectations and I can hardly keep up. I'm just too fragile and I like it that way.

My husband treats me like a fragile flower. If I say I don't want to touch something because it smells. My husband will make sure that I never have to touch that thing again. He will make sure!

17/07/2023

❤️❤️❤️

15/07/2023

Thank you!

12/07/2023

Check out 28thumbsucker's video.

12/07/2023

Let's meet at the Centenary Complex, University of Free State, Exclusive books tomorrow and Friday at 17:30. I would love to meet you and have a chat. The book is available for purchase the whole day but I will be there at 17:30. See you then!

11/07/2023

Ladies and Gentlemen, Memoirs of a 28-Year-Old Year-Old Thumb-Sucker is available at the University of Free State, Centenary complex at Exclusive books for the duration of the Arts Festival, 11-15 July 2023. Please get yourself a copy!

08/07/2023

Ukubhambhatha

My version of "Sucking my thumb". I am just fighting to be understood and for my children to be understood. This is smoking, this is having a glass of wine, this is having a sleeping pill but just more natural and less harmless. Allow me to do this so that I do not lose my mind.

I started with the towel when I was around 9 months old. I think I was born with this but I couldn't come out of the womb and demand a towel. As soon as I could hold things, I basically demanded the towel. Mom heard my demands and bought me the towel. You'll read the details in the book.

I'm one of the lucky ones because my immidiate family totally understands me. My husband and my in-laws. My children have no choice but to understand because they have their own habits too. So no one judges anyone... ❤️

30/06/2023

26/06/2023

Money - Anxiety and sucking my thumb

Guys! What the actual heck?
One minute I was unemployed, next minute I am employed but then debit orders are taking my money. This is a song that many South Africans sing. The issue now is that when you struggle with anxiety, money problems can hit harder than they should. Or harder than they hit everyone else.

I for one struggle with anxiety caused by finances. I get anxiety just from the debit orders. The money could still there in the account, the debit orders do not finish it completely but I have such a hard time seeing money go. I "suck my thumb" to calm myself down.

But then, here you get to see how anxiety is not always a bad thing. Because I get so anxious about money, I push myself a lot, to make money so that I do not get so anxious. I also try to manage my money well, so far, I have never had more debt than my income. I cannot imagine not being able to pay something because I have to pay something else. That would send me straight into a depression. So here anxiety helps to keep me afloat. Anxiety helps me to manage my life so that I do not get depressed.

The only thing that will make me less anxious, is to constantly have money in my account. Once I hit a 0 balance, I feel so poor. Not broke, but poor.

22/06/2023

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