05/22/2026
Good afternoon, my cumulonimbus cuties!
What do you think it would be like to have been born as a pistachio? Are they crafted in their shells? Are there shells naturally split like that? Do they yearn for human blood and that’s why I sometimes pinch my tongue if I’m eating too quickly? Do they prefer being salted? Does it hurt when you crack them open? Is there a collection of all human knowledge at my finger tips that I could use to answer these hard hitting questions? 🤷
“What I know for sure” ( reference, where are my elder millennials who watched Oprah afterschool?!?) is that pistachios LOVE LOVE LOVE to be turned into pudding, piped into chocolate mousse, and fed to YOU! I know it in my heart of hearts! So give the pistachios what they want. Before they turn on us 😱
K. Love you. Bye.