09/05/2026
There are no words that can truly explain the pain and emptiness that comes with losing a child. Some days I’m able to hold myself together and other days I feel like I’m falling apart. It changes from one day to the next, and I don’t even know what I’m going to feel when I wake up.
There are moments when I need someone the most yet I find myself sitting alone with feelings I don’t always know how to process. But even then, I’m grateful for God. He continues to carry me through the moments when I don’t know how to carry myself.
I smile. I keep moving. I show up. I continue doing the things my son admired about me. And from the outside, it may look like I’m doing fine. But I’m not okay.
I’m grateful for every moment I had with my son, but I thought I had so much more time. More conversations. More laughter. More memories. More life to experience together.
Who ever thinks about the unimaginable? Losing a child is not the natural order of things. No parent should ever have to bury their child. I never imagined I would have to learn how to live in a world without him in it.
It’s difficult trying to process all of these emotions, and right now, I’m all tangled up in them. I’m angry that my son is gone while the rest of the world continues to move forward as if nothing happened. But for me, everything is different. I’m living in a world I never knew existed and never wanted to know.
I miss my son.
He was such an amazing person. He carried so much love and light, and I can’t help but think about all that he still had left to give and experience. I wish he had more time to grow into himself, get married, have a family, and experience all the things life had ahead of him.
I know I’m strong. I know I’m making it through each day. But being strong doesn’t mean I'm not in meed. Sometimes I still need the hug.
I still need to hear you're going to be okay. I need someone to say, I’m here. I got you. Sometimes I just need someone to sit beside me and hold my hand. I don't know...
I smile. I show up. I push through. But underneath the smile, underneath the strength, and underneath everything I’m doing to keep moving forward, there is a mother who is grieving.